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ShrinkChicks

The Cost of Keeping Everyone Happy

ShrinkChicks

Jennifer Chaiken, LMFT and Emmalee Bierly, LMFT

Mental Health, Education, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Relationships

5717 Ratings

🗓️ 3 November 2025

⏱️ 46 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen dive into the topic of people-pleasing, AKA the quiet, exhausting habit of keeping everyone else comfortable. They talk about what happens when your identity is built around being the “easy one,” how helping can actually double as control, and why peacekeeping could be affecting your own peace. 

They answer listener questions about learning to tolerate other people’s discomfort, surviving a “boundary hangover,” and saying no without spiraling into guilt. Em and Jen also explore why women are so often socialized to please, how to handle the pushback that comes with change, and why discomfort is sometimes actually just a sign you’re doing something new … and that’s OK!

Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 5:45 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

people pleasers or people who have trouble setting boundaries often be like, oh, you know, people ask

0:05.1

this of me and they ask this and me and that. And it's often put on other people. It's your job to

0:09.9

set the boundary. Doesn't mean it's going to be easy. But your peace depends on it. Welcome back to another episode of shrink chicks.

0:28.5

Take a seat on our virtual therapy couch and get ready to learn all about well you.

0:33.7

I'm Emily Beerley.

0:34.8

And I'm Jennifer Chakin.

0:36.1

And we're both licensed marriage and family

0:38.1

therapist and relationship experts. We're the owners and founders of the therapy group, a nationwide

0:43.2

psychotherapy practice with down-to-earth therapists just like us. Your session is starting,

0:48.7

so get ready to know yourself and grow yourself.

0:59.7

Being comfortable in my clothing is so important to me because I don't know about you,

1:04.7

but for me, physical comfort allows me to better regulate my nervous system, which means that if my clothes fight me, my body notices.

1:07.6

And that's why comfort isn't just a luxury for me.

1:10.2

It's a strategy. So for years, I wore

1:13.4

sports bras with everything. And it's not because I'm athletic, because I'm absolutely not,

1:17.3

but because I couldn't find bras or, frankly, any intimates that felt truly comfortable.

1:22.8

Until I found Skims'Fits Everybody Collection, and let me tell you, it is a game changer and i can't shut up

1:29.2

about it the fits everybody collection is like nothing i have ever tried before my favorite is the

1:35.0

triangle bralet it feels like a second skin in the best way it's soft stretchy with light support

1:41.0

and the straps actually behave it lies flat under everything I wear and it's so comfortable.

1:46.7

I forget that I have it on, which is the dream.

1:49.5

So for those of you who have heard other people talk about skims,

...

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