The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4,228 of the known universes leading and only audio

newspaper for a visual world.

I'm Andy Zoltzman in the Shadow Unquenchable Truth Ignis in South London.

And as we record, a power only Russian state media has warned that the UK could be, and

I quote someone else quoting them, wiped off the map by a nuclear attack using an underwater

robot drone that sparks a radioactive tsunami.

Now on the plus side, this underwater drone is going to have to wade through literal shit

to make it here because our heroic British sewage system has been blasting untreated shit

into our coastal waters for more than apparently 160,000 hours last year.

Bear in mind there's only 8,760 hours in a year.

That is a f*** of lot of hours.

On the minus side, according to Demetri Kisselgolf, also known as Putin's mouthpiece, TV

news presenter without a completely unbreakable commitment to truth and objectivity, which

is all the rage these days, he said that Britain could be swamped by this radioactive tsunami.

Now whilst this would possibly make swimming in the sea marginally more hazardous from

the health point of view, it could also play merry havoc with the cricket season.

So I'm very much opposed to it and living in a state of some concern.

Of course, Kisselgolf is welcome to come on the bugle and try to explain his rationale

as to why this might be a good idea.

And it should be said that this nuclear attack from an underwater drone remains unlikely

to happen.

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