I know. Well, I'll take it.

Good evening, everyone.

So in India, authorities believe a single elephant killed 13 people.

Well, maybe if he stopped murdering people, he wouldn't be single.

False.

A 22-year-old influencer married her former high school teacher

despite their 40-year age gap.

Oh.

Critics say if the roles were reversed, this would be gross.

LAUGHTER if the rolls were reversed, this would be gross.

Mixed reaction. Yes.

For her 50th birthday celebration,

singer Jenny Lewis married her dog.

The highlight of the ceremony was when the minister said you may now

sniff the bride's butt. And get this, at the reception, they drank champagne out of the toilet.

Reminds me last week. Nearly 15,000 nurses have gone on strike at major New York City hospitals.

Until it's over, Mayor Mom Donnie is asking New Yorkers to only shoot each other in the leg.

But one New York hospital has accused a union of protecting nurses who came to work drunk. They knew they were drunk

when one patient handed a nurse his urine sample and she asked, hey, where's the little umbrella?

Bill Clinton ignored a subpoena to testify about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein.

He reportedly told Congress, quote,

If I wanted to talk about Epstein, I wouldn't have had my wife strangle him in a jail cell on August 10, 2019.

...