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The Bill Bert Podcast

The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 9

The Bill Bert Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.85.4K Ratings

🗓️ 8 April 2020

⏱️ 83 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Bill and Bert prattle about dogs, burning balls, and social narratives.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome to another pandemic version of the bill.

0:09.0

Bird.

0:10.0

God.

0:11.0

How are you? How you hanging in there, Bert? You look great. Look at you.

0:16.0

You're slimming down.

0:18.0

I haven't drank in 19 days.

0:21.0

Haven't smoked a cigar. Haven't smoked weed. I feel fucking amazing.

0:26.0

There you go. Congratulations.

0:29.0

I'm going to see if I can go the whole time without boozing because it's like it makes no sense to drink by yourself in front of your children.

0:38.0

It's a it's a bad.

0:41.0

Fun, but bad thing to tempt.

0:45.0

Yes, keep on my background. This is what I've been thinking about. I haven't had a cigar in.

0:51.0

I've been wanting to have a cigar since March 3rd and I've had one that one cigar since January 13th and that cigar behind me is my favorite like afternoon cigar.

1:04.0

The Laura Sapphire.

1:05.0

Oh, bird.

1:07.0

So great. You know, that's going to end up saving your life because if you get the Corona, they say the thing is is smoking.

1:14.0

I'm going to be drawing it all the way into your lungs. It's like bronchitis.

1:19.0

Well, I'll tell you why what's going to save me is I haven't even other than go into the end of my driveway to put my trash cans out and bring them back in.

1:28.0

I have not been.

1:30.0

I don't think I've been off my street really.

1:33.0

I'm just a three days. No, no, I'm just I'm fucking I'm a team player. Hey, man, let's fucking do what we got to do.

1:39.0

Look, I've run an errand here or there and every two, three days I do have to take my wife and kid for a drive just to get some air.

...

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