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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.723.6K Ratings

🗓️ 4 May 2026

⏱️ 76 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy! Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up a chair and listen to what Joe does best: piss and moan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWvLI8xCAa0 SPONSORS: - Brought to you by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears. - Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com - Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tim and Bart go up in smoke, sharing cigars together as they talk about whatever floats around in their collective heads. They talk about fat guy problems, before going into Tiger Woods' spiraling personal life. The Bears also walk down memory lane, comparing the infamous fat Bert pitching photo to one of him recently, and the drastic change is pretty staggering. They also unpack the text exchange between a student and the teacher sister of influencer Noah Beck, share some wild drug stories, and check out a clip of Doug Stanhope roasting a city council. Also the 2 Bears 5k is coming up! Hope you been training. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 328 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:56 - Fat Guy Problems 00:09:23 - Tiger Woods & Cigars 00:21:23 - Pitching Fat Pictures 00:29:30 - Noah Beck's Sister's Texts 00:43:40 - Age Differences 00:47:12 - Girl Talk 00:48:17 - Wild Drug Stories 00:59:19 - Doug Stanhope Fought City Hall 01:05:40 - Brendon Walsh Shenanigans 01:11:33 - Sabbatical & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

100%

0:01.2

Cheers.

0:05.1

And we're back.

0:06.3

It's another episode of Two Bears One Cave.

0:08.3

We're here in Austin, Texas with my buddy Bert.

0:11.5

And this is our week, man.

0:13.2

This is our week.

0:14.2

This is Netflix is a joke week.

0:15.8

We are going to be in Los Angeles this week.

0:18.3

There's a bunch of shit going on.

0:20.1

But most importantly, the 5K,

0:22.3

the Two Bears 5K. If you have not yet registered, go to Two Bears 5K.com. It'll be May 9th in

0:27.1

Pasadena at the Rose Bowl. It is one big party. What I'm saying is we are not elite runners,

0:34.8

and a lot of people who show up show up just to walk, to feel like they're part of a community. Some people jog, some people run, walk, some people fucking sprint. You can participate in any which way you want to, but know that we have recovery centers, we have entertainment, we have food, we have porosos. We've decked this place out. We will have everything cold plunges, saunas. It's year three. We have it dialed in, dude. Yeah. This is this is the best 5K out there without a doubt. And it's a blast. And like I said, let us be your first 5K. We are great entry level 5K. It's so fun. It really is so fun. A lot of comedians will be

1:12.5

there. A lot of your favorites will show up. There's going to be actors and singers. All types of

1:18.6

celebs will be there, but it's really about just the community atmosphere. And it really is so much

1:24.0

fun. I never thought that this would be something that would happen in my life. And I've

1:28.8

done, I've done ours, obviously. This will be the third in a row. I've done other ones. There's nothing like this thing. There really is nothing like it. I'm so glad we've had a bunch of stupid ideas. And I'm so glad this one stuck around. This is a great idea. This is, uh, and this is probably the best idea we've ever had because it's a small amount of work on our part.

1:46.5

Yeah.

1:46.9

Our teams take care of it. They kind of plan everything. And we just run. I'm going to be fucking flying this year. Yeah, you are. I know. I mean, probably from last year, you're probably down like 40 pounds or something, right? Oh, I couldn't even tell you.

2:01.0

I don't know.

2:01.8

I don't, I've never, it's so funny when you, when you start to get healthy, certain things, like, there's this guy that's got this Instagram account and he's like, and it's, I wish I could give me a shout out, but he's like, things fat guys do. And all he does is things fat guys do

...

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