So day two, two, and I'm set to do battle with my Thai adversary.

He's there shouting out with his bull horn the

the anti message. I should get one of those bullhorns. Boy, would that be unpleasant, wasn't that?

Eh, my friend. All right.

So a little bit of deepening even further into the theme that we've been exploring in general the idea that over the course of life

we learn to disavow certain emotions and impulses which we are through early and continuing experience, learn is not safe to express to other people.

And so rather than using the full repertoire of our emotional vocabulary

and our true authentic impulses,

we begin to put together what could be called a false self

of compliant behaviors that are strewn together as a way to try to

get love and succeed in the world and it creates a kind of shadow self of all the impulses and emotions that we feel will not get us love.

And we keep that shadow self

in its place using a whole host of repertoire including obsessive behaviors, repetitive ingrained patterns of, in terms of everything from intellectualization to workaholeism to habitual

binging and addictive strategies and avoidance, a whole host of distractions when we feel the

presence of loneliness we might turn. of anything to keep at bay those emotional states that we feel are too painful or too ugly to be with.

So moving on. The early experiences we have in childhood and our relational lives define for us what love is.

And that's a very difficult definition to let go of.

If love is defined as reliable, available, someone who will

overall set a pattern of being available, then that is what we will come to expect

and we will choose people who will essentially continue or meet that internal working model.

An internal working model is a important psychological term. it was first coined by Bulby as the set of expectations

that we have of other people, how we believe will be treated, how we believe we can behave, what behaviors

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