Tenderoni Hotline #27: Why You Get Triggered When Someone Says “Calm Down” + Why Your Body Feels Sick Before a Call
Feminist Wellness
Béa Victoria Albina
4.9 • 1K Ratings
🗓️ 7 April 2026
⏱️ 17 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Tenderoni Hotline #27: Hello, my love. If you’ve ever been told to “calm down” and felt your anger spike instead of settle, or found yourself feeling anxious, nauseous, or completely overwhelmed at the thought of making a simple phone call, you are so not alone.
In this episode, we gently unpack what is really happening in your body in those moments. We explore why “calm down” can feel so deeply invalidating, especially for those of us who were taught to shrink, soften, or second guess our emotions, and we look at why something as ordinary as a phone call can activate a full stress response, leaving your body feeling anything but okay.
This is not about fixing yourself. It is about understanding yourself with more compassion. Because your reactions are not random. They are protective. They are intelligent. And they make sense. So take a breath, settle in, and let’s get curious together. You are safe. You are held. You are allowed to feel what you feel.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: podcast@beatrizalbina.com
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is feminist wellness, and I'm your host, nurse practitioner, somatics, and nervous system nerd, and life coach, Bea Victoria Albina. |
| 0:18.3 | I'll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety, perfectionism, and |
| 0:21.8 | codependency so you can live from your beautiful heart. Welcome, my love. Let's get started. |
| 0:31.6 | Hello, hello, my love. I hope this finds you doing so well. I really love our first question. So Marlow 31 from Portland |
| 0:42.0 | writes, if someone tells me to calm down when I'm upset, I see red. It makes me way more angry, |
| 0:49.6 | not less. I know they're probably trying to help, but it feels dismissive and condescending, like they're telling me my feelings aren't valid. |
| 0:57.1 | Why does this phrase trigger me so hard? |
| 1:00.4 | Well, well, well, well, well, well. |
| 1:04.0 | Oh, I think this one's so common, right? |
| 1:06.6 | And I think it's because what Calm Down often communicates, like, whatever the other person intends, what it communicates, what most of us tend to hear is, your emotions are too much for me right now. |
| 1:19.3 | Your emotions are inherently too much right now. |
| 1:22.3 | And I need you to make yourself smaller so I can be comfortable again. |
| 1:25.4 | Okay, thanks. |
| 1:26.7 | And I think for those of us socializes |
| 1:28.6 | girls and women, we've heard some version of this instruction our entire lives, not just from |
| 1:34.4 | partners or from friends, from teachers who called us dramatic, from doctors who called you |
| 1:40.2 | anxious and sent you home, from managers who said you seem emotional in that particular |
| 1:46.4 | tone that meant like, this is a problem, you're being a problem. |
| 1:50.7 | From family members who had a name for girls who felt things too loudly and none of those |
| 1:56.3 | names were particularly caught. |
| 1:58.3 | And so we were handed a very clear curriculum. |
| 2:00.8 | Your feelings are a disruption. |
... |
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