Tenderoni Hotline #23: How to Stop People Pleasing Habits + Nervous System Healing for CPTSD
Feminist Wellness
Béa Victoria Albina
4.9 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 10 March 2026
⏱️ 17 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Tenderoni Hotline #23: If you know you’re a people pleaser but cannot seem to stop, this episode is for you. In this Tenderoni Hotline, I answer two listener questions that go straight to the heart of emotional outsourcing and nervous system healing.
First: “I know I’m a people pleaser. How do I stop?” We explore why people pleasing is not a personality flaw or lack of boundaries. It is a nervous system adaptation. When connection felt conditional, your body learned to scan, adjust, perform, and prioritize others to stay safe. That strategy was brilliant. And now it may be exhausting.
Then we move into a second question from a listener with CPTSD who shared that words like safe, belonging, and worthy feel abstract or unreachable in their body. If that resonates, you are not alone. Nervous systems do not organize around concepts. They organize around lived experience. So we unpack what “safe enough” actually means in relational terms, how belonging often gets confused with self-erasure, and why worth is less about self-esteem and more about non-abandonment.
This work is not about forcing calm or becoming unbothered. It is about learning to stay with yourself when tension arises. It is about building safety from the inside out so you no longer have to abandon yourself to stay connected.
You are not broken. You adapted. And you can learn something new my love.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: podcast@beatrizalbina.com
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is feminist wellness, and I'm your host, nurse practitioner, somatics, and nervous system nerd, and life coach, Bea Victoria Albina. |
| 0:18.3 | I'll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety, perfectionism, |
| 0:21.7 | and codependency so you can live from your beautiful heart. Welcome, my love. Let's get started. |
| 0:32.0 | Hello, hello, my love. I hope this finds you doing so well. Welcome to the Tenderoni hotline, where I answer your questions |
| 0:41.3 | about emotional outsourcing, our codependent perfectionist and people-pleasing habits, about somatics, |
| 0:46.2 | about the nervous system, pretty much whatever you send me. So send your question in to podcast |
| 0:52.6 | at Beatricealbina.com, and you'll hear it answered here one of these |
| 0:58.6 | weeks how fun this is so super fun i love this all right let's get to it our first question comes from |
| 1:07.1 | tina marie it reads i know i'm a people pleaser. How do I stop being this way? It's a complex |
| 1:12.2 | answer. But let me do my best to be succinct. So people pleasing is what happens when your body |
| 1:19.4 | brilliantly and amazingly learned that connection was conditional, right? That being attuned to everyone |
| 1:25.4 | else's needs kept you safer that reading the room and like |
| 1:29.0 | adjusting yourself so they would like you more was how you stayed well loved so if that was your |
| 1:36.0 | childhood or if that was you know maybe it wasn't at home but at school or your religion or your |
| 1:41.2 | culture your society whatever however it got into you, your nervous |
| 1:46.4 | system likely built it into the very foundation of the experience of being you. And so again, |
| 1:52.9 | this is, there's nothing wrong with you, right? This is evidence of your nervous system being |
| 1:57.0 | brilliant under very challenging circumstances and doing its a number one most importantest |
| 2:01.9 | job, which is keeping you safe any way possible. So people pleasing is one form of what I call |
| 2:07.7 | emotional outsourcing. It shows up as codependent perfectionist and people pleasing habits, |
| 2:12.4 | and all of it is the same root. A body that learned it had to earn its place, that love and connection |
| 2:18.1 | weren't givens, but things you had to work for, prove yourself worthy of, and maintain through |
... |
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