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In the interactions I have in counseling with people, certain themes come up and when they come up that's just what I will use is a topic to give a talk about. I sort of allow just the one-on-one work to sort

of determine what our germane topic.

So this theme has been coming up a lot

with various people I've worked with who

have had at one time or another really painful relationships with individuals that wind up

over the course of the relationship taking on abusive qualities.

So to have a grasp on some of the types of individuals that are largely involved.

By far and away, the most common are narcissists.

And I'd like to draw a distinction between narcissists and run of the mill

avoidant or selfish at times people.

Narcissists are actually an extreme form of intimacy avoidance or attachment avoidance.

Narcissists are people who compensate for fragile self-core selves, which are the result of early attachment wounds where they felt emotionally abandoned by core caregivers.

And so to heal these deep wounds, they construct grandiose self-concepts which are in other words they have this very

damaged

wounded internal felt selves that they protect by constructing these grandiose self-concepts which is essentially I am Donald Trump, the great look at me.

This grandiose self-concept is built on exaggerated achievements and talents and to maintain

it and to continue this fabrication so that the narcissist doesn't have to feel and

...