Stop Saying "Calm Down"—Do This Instead

Relationship Advice

Colter Bloxom

Relationships, Mental Health, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.4 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 4 April 2026

⏱️ 51 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Telling someone to “calm down” usually does the opposite—it makes people feel dismissed, misunderstood, and even more activated. In this episode, the hosts explore why that phrase backfires in moments of anger, anxiety, disappointment, or excitement, and why it often comes from the other person feeling overwhelmed too. They unpack a better approach: co-regulation through validation, steady presence, gentler tone, and asking what support actually helps. Main Talking Points: • Validation first• Tone matters• Co-regulate together• Name the feeling• Ask what helps Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ - Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, Love Tribe. Just a few quick questions before we get started today. I want to know why you are here listening to the podcast. Are you here because you want to stop bickering with your partner and you want to feel truly heard? Or are you looking for ways to reignite your sex life?
0:24.7	Or do you want to feel more emotionally connected with your partner?
0:30.9	Or do you just long for those fun, giggly moments of connection that you used to have at the beginning of your relationship?
0:32.6	Well, over the last decade of hosting this podcast, those were the main reasons people tuned into the show.
0:39.5	And we get it.
0:40.3	We've been there.
0:41.0	So we created our course, Spark My Relationship, because we wanted to put those tools to
0:47.1	unlocking a fulfilling relationship right in your hands.
0:50.5	We're offering $100 off our course, Spark My Relationship, which is a self-paced course
0:57.3	designed to help you create more passion, improve your communication, and build a stronger,
1:03.2	more intimate connection with your partner and have an amazing time doing it.
1:08.1	We've collaborated with over 15 therapists and psychologists to bring you the
1:12.9	strategies that marriage therapists teach their clients. So to unlock this special offer of our
1:18.9	course, our listeners can visit SparkMyrelationship.com slash unlock to get $100 off. That's SparkMyrelationship.com forward slash unlock.
1:32.6	Hey friends, welcome to relationship advice. I'm Colter. And I'm Lauren. And we will be joined with
1:37.3	our friend Kayla in just a moment. We are all licensed professional therapists and real-life friends
1:42.7	who care deeply about helping people feel more
1:44.8	connected in their relationships. On this show, we help you make sense of these stuck spots,
1:49.2	the patterns, the fights, the disconnections that keep showing up even when you're really putting in the
1:53.7	work. You can expect honest conversations, practical insight, and stories that help you
1:58.4	understand why things feel hard and what actually helps.
2:02.0	Whether you're here to improve your relationship, understand yourself better, or just feel a little
	...

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