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Big Swings Only

Stop Defending Yourself — Start Listening and Win Any Negotiation

Big Swings Only

American Negotiation Institute

Self-improvement, Business, Education

4.7751 Ratings

🗓️ 11 June 2026

⏱️ 72 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if the biggest threat to your relationship isn’t conflict — it’s the way you communicate during it? In this thought-provoking conversation, negotiation expert and mediator Alice Shikina joins Kwame Christian to reveal why so many successful professionals excel at communication in the boardroom but struggle to connect with the people they love most. Drawing from years of mediation experience, Alice shares a powerful perspective: every relationship is a negotiation, and learning how to negotiate well can transform the way we handle conflict at home. Together, they unpack the hidden communication patterns that fuel arguments, including interruptions, defensiveness, emotional escalation, and the common misconception that listening simply means hearing someone speak. You'll discover why acknowledgment is often the missing ingredient in difficult conversations, how unspoken emotions drive seemingly unrelated conflicts, and why de-escalation begins long before an argument starts. Whether you're navigating challenges with a spouse, partner, child, colleague, or friend, this episode offers practical tools to help you listen more deeply, communicate more effectively, and strengthen your most important relationships. Key topics include: * Why every relationship is a negotiation * The real reason people feel unheard * How to prevent conversations from escalating * The role of emotional intelligence in conflict resolution * Why "I hear you" isn't enough * Practical techniques for active listening and acknowledgment * Creating relationship ground rules that actually work If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling misunderstood—or struggled to understand someone else—this episode will change the way you think about communication forever. Connect with Alice: 🎙️ Podcast: Negotiation with Alice 📖 Don't Sleep on the Couch: Winning More Arguments Without Losing Your Marriage — coming soon 📖 Influenceable — also forthcoming 🌐 https://www.shikinamediation.com/

Transcript

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0:00.0

You might be excellent at your job.

0:02.0

You might negotiate deals, manage teams, and communicate with precision in every professional setting you walk into.

0:09.0

But what happens when you come home?

0:11.0

So you can communicate and negotiate really well at work, but you're failing at home to the point that it causes a divorce.

0:20.0

Not always, right? There's other things,

0:22.7

but very, very frequently, it is broken communication. Today's guest is Alice Shikina,

0:30.4

mediator, arbitrator, trained actor, and author of the upcoming book, Don't Sleep on the Couch,

0:36.3

winning more arguments without losing your marriage. Alice has spent her entire career in of the upcoming book, Don't Sleep on the Couch, Winning More Arguments Without Losing Your Marriage.

0:39.4

Alice has spent her entire career inside the most emotionally charged conversations people have,

0:45.5

divorce mediation, workplace disputes, and relationship breakdowns,

0:49.8

and she has seen the same pattern play out over and over again.

0:55.0

The reason why your kids are walking all over you is because you need to be a better negotiator.

1:01.0

In this conversation, Alice breaks down why the skills that make us effective at work

1:07.0

seem to disappear the moment we walk through the front door and what we can actually do

1:12.6

about it. And one of my favorite parts of the episode is when she explains why de-escalation

1:17.5

does not start during the conflict. It actually starts long before one ever happens.

1:24.8

The de-escalation does not start at the point of conflict. It starts prior to

1:30.0

their being any kind of a conflict. That is critical. She makes the case that most relationship

1:35.9

fights aren't actually about what they appear to be about. If you've ever felt unheard at home

1:41.6

or been told that you weren't listening, this episode is for you.

1:46.0

This episode is brought to you by Granola, Shopify, HomeServe, and What Not. If you want to stay

1:52.0

fully present in every meeting while still walking away with clear structured notes, try

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