What up guys, I'm so excited for today's freaking bad guys. She wrote a book called The Art of Badassery so trust me when I say she's the master and she's here today to tell us and show us what it takes to step up to the plate, what it takes to defend yourself, have your own back, not let anyone push you around and set boundaries. Junker's set up is not only actually a third degree black belt, but she's also an absolute master at knowing how to stand up for yourself. And today she teaches how to block the BS, but come unstoppable, keep others accountable, how to speak up for yourself, and also how an earth to stop judging at inner credit. And if this brought you value, guys, or any women of impact episodes brought in value, I only ask to send it to your homies, send it to your friends, tell your girlfriends about women of impact, and let's spread the word about how guys can all be the heroes of our own lives. Anywhere that you guys can show the love from sharing, liking, reviewing this page, just me and you all to me. Alright, now, without further ado, let's find out how we can all become a black belt in Badassri with the amazing Jen Kaseva. Welcome to Women of Impact. Jankas said I welcome to Women of Impact. Thank you Lisa. I'm so excited to be here. The author of a book called The Art of Bad Alessori already had me a hello. And in opening your book there's one story that hit me so hard that I want to start with. You're walking down the dark street very late at night. And if you don't mind finishing that story. Absolutely. Living in New York City, I was coming home. Yeah, early in the morning late at night, same difference. And next thing I know there were hands up my dress. And I was being grabbed and attacked on the street. Just like my apartment was like right there. So I was like literally so close to home. And I was able to scare off my attacker. So I turned and face him and all of a sudden I just felt this like rage coming up through my body. I like to call it she beast mode and start to make myself big and flail and use my arms and my tone. and I started to tell this guy off. I will not say the words I used out loud ever again, probably, but definitely not on your show. To just tell this guy off like this, how dare you. How dare you get in my space. How dare you touch me? Incroach on my boundaries, all of it. And I remember his face going from like, to, oh damn, I just messed with the wrong bitch, right? So he took off running in the opposite direction and I remember I had on stiletto's that night and I just started like booking it after him, which by the way is not what I recommend to do, right? In a safety situation, always get away, but that rage just kept coming. Okay, so I want to pause there, you're my height, so we're 5'1", and when I read that story, that here you are one moment of that can dictate the rest of your life, that one moment that we can sit here and giggle and you'd be like, I've written swallowing much, I've been chasing down this with my stilettos, but there's a different story that could have existed there. And the fact that you stood up for yourself, you used your voice and you held your crown is so damn powerful. And whether someone's trying to stand their ground to someone who's physically using them, whether it's an overbearing parent and you want to stand your ground, whether it's a manipulative partner who may be gaslighting you and you need to stand your ground. The tactics that you teach in your book, The Art of Bad Arswee, is so powerful for anyone that wants to have a voice and stand their ground so they no longer get pushed around, they're no longer emotionally or physically abused. So today girl, I want to go from, and how you break it out in your book is from white belt

to black belt. get pushed around, they're normally longer get emotionally or physically abused. And so today, girl, I want to go from, and how you break it out in your book is from white

belt to black belt.

Yes.

So today, you're going to take us through all the belt stages that we're going to cultivate

our skills as the warrior, as they're like you call it.

And so by the end, the hope is, is that everybody watching has the ability to stand up for themselves no matter what that situation is. Absolutely. And women of impact is the dojo. Yes. So we're in the dojo right now. Yes. So, okay, everyone's listening. They're like, all right, I'm in. I want to like get the black belt and standing up for myself. Step one is embrace the suck. Okay. Right? long smooth ride. We all know that things that suck are bound to happen. So the sooner that we can just accept that as fact, right? Things that suck are gonna happen. Even if they haven't yet, they're going to, I'm sorry to say, right? And just that gives us the power to move on to creating the life that we really wanna live. There are a lot of different exercises throughout that chapter that I walk people through. Just to kind of go back into their past and remember all those challenging times. The days where you felt like you wanted to just pull the covers over and knock it out of bed. The days where you felt maybe hopeless. I don't say that we have to be like, yay, grateful, that all those terrible things happened. But we can recognize and kind of pat ourselves on the back for getting through them. And realizing that we actually gained some, I call them, secret weapons, right, from those challenging times and not in spite of them. OK, so I really want to break that down because I really expected the first thing to read from your book about bad arse reiss. Oh right, this is where, and you're just like, okay, so the first thing is, she happens. So embrace that. And then there was a story that you tell that was so powerful where your mom turns around, it's like you were to your knees where you've just found out that your boyfriend had impregnated another woman. Yeah. And you are quest-balling to your knees. Everyone listening can know that heartbreak. I mean, yeah. Some form of heartbreak, but that's extreme. And you go to your mum in tears and your mum turns around to you and says, Life isn't fair. It's huh? So talk us through that. I'm right that's powerful because right now, there are people right now that it's, that's like a really disturbing story. Like I really broke my heart when I read it. And so many people that are listening right now have had their heart broken, have been in the situation. Be trained, be trained with such a charged emotion that I went through from that. And I'm sure there's a lot of women, especially, that can relate to that. It's like there's the heartbreak, the sadness of it. But it's really this betrayal. You almost think, where was I that whole time? How could I have missed that? And then you start to kind of shame yourself almost. You know, I found out that this man I'd been seeing for years had a baby with someone else and forgot to tell me. I found out I think when the baby was about three days old. So I found a letter and just went berserk, right? So there was weeks of the crying and the, I was going to say ups and downs, no ups, lots of downs, just how far down? So yes, when I finally came to my mom to tell her like, this is so unfair, how is this happening to me? I didn't do anything to deserve this. And she was just like, life isn't fair. And then I started to realize, oh my God, that is such a piece of freeing advice. I felt a little more free. This space that can open for me, where I was able to step through onto the journey, not of healing yet, but of acceptance. Be like, you're right. Life isn't fair. Why are some children born with disease and some born healthy? Why are some people born into generational wealth and some in slums? I mean, we can go on and on and on. And just when I start doing that process, I start to think like, okay, got it. Who are we to say life has to be fair and have these morals that we've made up? It's just not that way. Does it also give you an action? Almost just like well if if yeah life isn't fair then how in situations where maybe I'm being attacked down a dark alley or maybe someone's emotionally abusing me instead of focus on where it's not fair I can actually start to focus on what am I going to do about it? Yes, absolutely. And that's all about White Belt lesson in the Dojo actually, right? Being a White Belt is all about being uncomfortable. You're getting on the mat. First of all, you're tying this belt around your waist, you're bowing, you're doing all these things that are outside of your comfort zone. You're getting onto a mat, you're starting to already have to spar with opponents. Right? That may be double your size and all the stuff, and you barely have the basics down yet.

But you're starting to already have to spar with opponents, right? That may be double your size and all the stuff. And you barely have the basics down yet. But you're thrown into this pit, not that I trained in a pit, but you know what I mean on a mat, with people. And I feel like that's, it's just such a great metaphor for life. We're throwing ourselves into the unknown, into the uncomfortable. And it's the only way to get through and not just stay stuck. Yeah. So what we're going to do today is we're going to do something a little fun actually. We're going to be talking through each of these things, the tactics that you've done and you've really cultivated in order for us to be able to stand up for ourselves. And then you're going to show us some practical moves and things. So guys, stay wicked too. for this. I'm so looking forward to it, so stay tuned for that. All right, let's talk about the armour, because in your book you do talk about like how we suit up, with deflection, with anger, we run, with denial. So talk me through these things because when I heard you say, I'd never thought of it as being an alma that we're putting on that actually becomes detrimental to us because I think of

alma as being like a protection, right? And it can. And it can. The armor that we use,

we pick it up to protect ourselves, right? And that could be really good when you're

in an abusive relationship, right? It may deflect some blows coming your way and that's

really important.

When we carry it for too long, I think is when it can start to weigh us down and become too heavy. So, I talk about it in the book as using it with discernment. Pick it up when you need to protect yourself and perhaps leave that abusive relationship or stand up to a parent or a professor or an authority figure in your life who's manipulating you in some way, right? Pick it up and use it, but then be able to put it down when you feel safe. And the safety part is where we need to kind of create our own safe space, if you will. And I feel like a lot of people expect workplaces to be safe. And they should be. And I'm saying, yes, this whole world should be safe, but the bottom line is, it's not. So we have to kind of create our own safe places. I love that. And it's very important for you to say that. It's like, I am the same. It's like, yeah, I wish we wouldn't have to.

I wish you don't have to teach.

Yeah. What is the videos that you do every day on Instagram called A Mover Day to Keep the Creeps Away? Okay. A Mover Day to Keep the Creeps Away. I wish we lived in a world where you didn't have to do those videos. Me too. And but we do think we want to cry. I know.

And so I just go, who are you? Are you the person that's like,

well, I shouldn't have to... those videos. Me too. But we do. If anyone would cry. I know. And so I just go, who are you?

Are you the person that's like, well, I shouldn't have to so I'm not going to? Or are you the type

of person that I try to empower the audience to be like, I'm going to learn this just in

case. Just in case I find myself in a situation where I'm getting verbally abused by my boss.

Just in case I find myself in a situation where I think this guy is an amazing, you know, date and then I realize actually he's manipulating me and he's got sliding me. Like, what those, you have a choice to learn. And so talk to me about that choice to learn and how you found that place where you found yourself in that dojo for the first time and the lessons that you learnt of how the piece of mind and the body, I think that's super powerful for people right now to kind of pause and really do that first step before we go on to the yellow belt. Okay, so this first major sucky thing that happened to me and so many people around the world especially was a beautiful sunny Tuesday morning. I was heading to work in New York City, got out of the subway at Wall Street, looked up and the World Trade Center was on fire. There was black smoke coming out of it and I worked three blocks south. So I made my way there and I wasn't allowed up into the building for obvious reasons, but I was able to use the phone in the lobby. So I used the phone to call my mother. She tells me I was like in a child-like voice. So I must have been fight-flighter-freeze in that response. So heightened that I can only speak like almost like a baby, which is so weird. Trying to tell her that I was okay and then all of a sudden the first tower fell. So a swarm of people come rushing into the lobby, I get thrown into this utility closet with a bunch of strangers and for the first time in my life I really felt like I was going to die. So from here down I just remember being frozen. So really that freeze response took over my body. So now, obviously, I can relate to so many women who have now experienced that freeze response for so many other reasons. A woman came over to me and grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me and asked me my name. I was able to take a breath, right, which forced me kind of out of that freeze mode,

so I said, Jennifer, Jennifer, I'm Nancy, and the two of us we're gonna get out of here today. And sure enough, we were evacuated from that building, and Nancy and I ran, you know, through the suit, covered in ash, from building to building, the building for hours, looking for safety, of Second Tower fell, we were kicked out of another building, and finally I took Nancy

...