SP 283: Our Happy Divorce with Ben Heldfond
The SHAIR Recovery Podcast
Omar Pinto
4.8 • 561 Ratings
🗓️ 25 August 2020
⏱️ 77 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben created a tight-knit, enviable family. From the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events, they both work well together. However, it only took a divorce to get them there.
At 12 years sober, Ben was what some might call a "dry drunk." Searching for something other than a spiritual solution, he would place blame on his wife, not take any responsibility for his faults, and felt flat in his marriage.
"I had a strong foundation of recovery, but I stopped doing the things I needed to do on a daily basis for myself."
At the time of their marriage, Niki and Ben had hoped their wedding would start their happily ever after—but seven years, one child, and countless financial and familial entanglements later, their I do-s had turned into We can't-s. Armed with their fierce love for their son and a desire to give him the best as their primary purpose, they realized they needed to find an alternative to the seemingly inevitable toxic divorce that loomed over their lives.
By cleaning up the past, owning up to each other's faults, and working on differences it took a divorce to bring Ben's family together. Today, though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children.
In episode 283 of the SHAIR Podcast, you'll learn about:
- How you can find yourself in dry drunk syndrome after finding long-term recovery
- What happens when you see red flags in a relationship but fail to act on them
- What happens when we begin searching for something other than a spiritual solution
- How we can become blind to our ego and entitlement without admitting fault
In their book, Our Happy Divorce, Ben and Nikki elaborate on the difficulties of their divorce experience, their individual pains and triumphs, and their unique approach to relationships and blended families. Their story is sure to inspire others to pursue something few believe is possible - a happy divorce.
For the show notes and links for this episode go to theshairpodcast.com/283.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So we sort of figured this thing out on our own and took the singleness of purpose, right? |
| 0:09.2 | Primary purpose. |
| 0:10.6 | And, you know, in 12 steps to stay sober. |
| 0:12.9 | Our primary purpose was our son and his happiness and not to burden him with the decisions of his parents |
| 0:19.8 | when he had nothing to do with any of it. |
| 0:22.2 | Innocent bystanders. |
| 0:23.5 | And so many times those innocent bystanders are weaponized, are used as blocking and tackling tools, |
| 0:28.9 | and are given a big, fat, emotional bill at the end of it to pay, right? |
| 0:33.9 | And they didn't order off the menu. |
| 0:35.1 | They didn't order anything. |
| 0:36.2 | So that was our singleness |
| 0:37.8 | of purpose primary purpose was to make sure that two plus two equals four for Ashert |
| 0:43.3 | that was Ben Hellfond and this is the share podcast getting sober is one thing. |
| 0:55.4 | Staying sober is another. |
| 0:57.3 | In recovery, the most important ingredient to long-term recovery is community and connection. |
| 1:03.9 | Share is not only a recovery podcast. |
| 1:07.2 | It is a global sobriety network. |
| 1:09.9 | Join me each week as we connect with people from all over the world |
| 1:13.7 | who will share with you their inspirational journey of recovery. |
| 1:18.1 | Welcome to the Share Podcast Recovery Network. |
| 1:31.8 | Hey, everybody, and welcome to another episode of The Share Podcast. |
| 1:37.3 | And before we dive into this week's episode, I just want to remind all of our listeners the fastest and easiest way to connect with me and to connect with the Share Recovery |
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