Slop Quest 118 Frown Vampire

Slop Quest

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan talks about how the real small businessmen are drug dealers. Then Andy talks about the Alkaline water scam and scares himself into backtracking everything. Andy goes tubing in Big Bear and claims it’s even better than skiing but SOMEBODY disagrees. Andy and Ryan try to rehabilitate the cigarette industry. Ryan floats the idea of running for president based solely on revitalizing the American fireworks industry. Andy finds a subreddit where idiots are posting mall katanas and asking his valuable they are. Then Ryan accuses Andy of having “treatment resistant swordplay”. Andy runs out of people to talk about swords with and resorts to keeping a diary of his swordplay gainz. This infuriates O’Neill. Then O’Neill gets roasted by a listener in one of the funniest ways possible. O’Neill insists he is a very supportive friend and is very motivated to build Andy up. Then Andy has to negotiate taking a shit at O’Neill’s apartment. Then Andy cajoles O’Neill into going on Comics Unleashed and doing his 5’9 bit.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	It is. It's genius.
0:02.3	Oh, it's genius.
0:03.8	Hey, everybody. It's us.
0:05.5	I'm Ryan O'Neill. I'm professional comedian.
0:08.9	And writer, director, actor.
0:12.3	This is Andrew DeWitt.
0:13.7	He's an amateur comedian.
0:15.5	No, I've been professionally paid for comedy, you dick.
0:18.2	That was a long time ago.
0:19.4	Yeah, it was.
0:20.2	So now you're back to
0:21.0	amateur retired comedian retarded comedian andrewitt and professional illustrator yes and a award
0:28.4	winning writer dude big day today why that Ryan wedding guy got arrested who's that guy this is what
0:36.5	they know okay so they're gonna this is the story that
0:38.6	the media is going to spin to you you're listening to slop quest right wedding olympic snowboarder for
0:44.5	canada yeah now he didn't medal or anything but still to make it it's like go to the NBA yeah so
0:49.3	it's like yeah he rides the bench the whole time you're like dude you can't even do a layup at the
0:53.6	why yeah so he's Olympic this is. You may get to the Olympics. That's big for Canada. Then he becomes a drug trafficker. Oh, shit. Yeah. Makes it all the way up to high level, set a low a drug cartel, whatever, CEO. Drug CEO. Yeah, I don't know if he's the head. More C.O. And he's like, you know, he's some, okay, sometimes he's killing, uh, federal witnesses. You know, sometimes he's murdering families for unpaid drug deaths. Holy shit. But whatever. He's on the run for like a decade. finally caught him but they're look they're spinning
1:28.2	this is like this guy's a bad dude i mean coca cola murdered people yeah so did you keet a banana
1:36.2	yeah so are those CEOs uh demonized no i would say if you do it as a business you're fine yeah
1:43.0	this guy is basically just the head of a pharmaceutical company or a health care company. So I would say, he should have been a Sackler. Then he'd be fine. Exactly. Remember when the pharma bro gave a speech at Harvard? Yeah, yeah. I think that was after he got arrested. Yeah, he'd been out of jail. Yeah. So here's a deal. They're spinning this as like, oh, he's a bad guy. I would say this guy made it to high levels in two different disciplines. Yeah. I say kudos to him, my friend. At this point, I don't think there are laws because if you're a corporation, you just have to read what some of these corporations did in south america yeah and it's fucking wild yes dude gas company yeah fucking
2:24.4	oil yeah do the shit the fucking machine gun killers they hire yeah dude machete guys um so i would say
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from All Things Comedy, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of All Things Comedy and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.