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Slop Quest

Slop Quest 114 Hog Apple

Slop Quest

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.91.2K Ratings

🗓️ 19 January 2026

⏱️ 56 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest

 

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! There’s some late Epstein file talk. O’Neill talks about he’d be tricked into showing up on the Epstein files. He then floats the idea of having a professional photographer hiding to take embarrassing photos. They talk a little about Ellis quitting comedy and O’Neill’s mind is blown. Then they get into a little motivational talk where Andy crowns Ryan “King of Tomfoolery”. Andy tries Ryan’s garlic technique and has Diarrhea. Then Andy pulls the fake text prank on his cousin by marriage which infuriates O’Neill because he doesn’t believe in cousins by marriage. There’s some weight loss by basketball talk. The boys talk about Andy getting HEMA sword tattoo. Andy talks about how he tries to keep lines of communication open with friends and family and O’Neill hates the idea. There’s more tomfoolery about this from O’Neill and Andy begs him to break new ground. Then O’Neill humble brags about how good he is with communicating even if he never talks to people. Then the boys talk about how wives set their husbands up on play dates. O’Neill expresses his desire to not have any friends.  Andy finds a Christian comedian lady who KILLS in front of the crowd and O’Neill loses it. Andy meets a woman who describes herself as having been “slutty” but she waited for marriage to have sex? The boys then reminisce about the loss of the “erotic thriller” of the 90’s.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

How great would that is. It's genius.

0:03.4

How good guys.

0:05.5

Woo, doggies.

0:07.6

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to SlopQuest.

0:11.1

Welcome back, everybody.

0:12.0

A brown tunic, and he has gray hair and blue eyes.

0:16.7

No, I don't have gray eyes.

0:18.8

Let me see that.

0:19.6

Well, it says I have blue, but I decided I wanted gray eyes.

0:27.3

Yeah, I have gray eyes.

0:29.9

I'm just a hater.

0:31.4

I just hate on blue eyes more than you do.

0:36.1

Yeah.

0:36.9

No, I don't hate on blue eyes. I mean, gray no i don't hate on blue eyes i mean gray eyes

0:39.6

you love blue eyes you're all the blue eyes you're gonna take over for years you tried to gaslight me

0:44.7

with your baby blues i know dude and turns out the whole time i think they changed i think they were

0:50.4

baby blue i caroline levitt's given a press conference on it where she's like, you said they were blue.

0:57.6

They're gray, you idiots.

0:59.2

Yeah.

0:59.8

I can't.

1:00.8

And the guy goes, for years you told us they were blue.

1:04.0

That never happened.

...

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