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Ask Pastor John

Should a Boyfriend “Lead” His Girlfriend?

Ask Pastor John

Desiring God

John Piper, Unknown, 163859, Pastor, Ask, Theology, Desiring God, Religion & Spirituality/christianity, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality, Questions

4.83.8K Ratings

🗓️ 5 February 2015

⏱️ 5 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Boyfriends should take the initiative to lead their girlfriends in ways that are appropriate outside the marriage covenant — especially when it comes to sexual purity.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome back to the Aspastor John podcast. We're joined again by special guest Matt Chandler,

0:10.5

the lead pastor at the village church in Dallas. Matt is the author of the new book The Mingling

0:15.7

of Souls. God's design for love, marriage, sex, and redemption. And I've got 10 questions from

0:21.9

singles on relationships, queued up for Matt. We're working through them on to question number six.

0:27.5

Matt, do you think it's wise for a boyfriend to lead his girlfriend? Should a dating

0:32.0

relationship reflect the complimentary structure of marriage to any degree? It seems biblically

0:38.0

and practically wise, but it also seems covenantally inappropriate at this stage. What would you say?

0:44.4

Yeah, I would, there's no doubt that a boyfriend should lead, quote unquote his girlfriend in some

0:51.8

ways, but definitely not to the degree that a husband leads is wise. So what I possess when

1:01.4

it comes to the covenant I'm in with Lauren is headship, right? I have, I've been called by God

1:07.9

to lead it, to cover, to provide, to protect in ways of overlord that a boyfriend is not in covenant

1:15.2

relationship with his girlfriend. However, he should be leading her in regards to godliness,

1:23.6

encouraging her in regards to her giftedness. I think he should be encouraging her in prayerfulness,

1:31.5

encouraging her towards an understanding and growing knowledge of the word of God. He should take

1:38.8

responsibility and the lead in the areas that as they get to know each other are clear that she

1:45.6

wants. So I think, and so I've got to be careful here, because I think I have, I can get my own

1:51.0

preferences mixed up in this. I want to be real careful. So let me just kind of put a little

1:55.2

asterisk here and go, I believe being married to Lauren. Like what Lauren wants from me is for me to

2:01.6

go, hey, would you like to go out Thursday? Yes. And then what she wants is for me to say, hey,

2:07.6

we're going to go to dinner and we're going to do this. She doesn't want me to come home Thursday

2:10.9

night and say, so what do you want to do? And, and so for a young, for a boyfriend to be saying,

2:16.9

hey, let's go have dinner. Let's sit for him to lead out in protection of their purity,

...

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