Hello everybody. So I don't really know how to even get into this true to form. I have nothing planned. I don't want to pre-meditate what I'm going to say.

I would rather speak from the heart good, bad or indifferent, even if it makes me sound like an idiot or if I miss speak, I want to be as authentic and transparent and honest as possible.

I've never deleted a podcast episode. I had recorded this week's episode prior to everything going down in our country and I thought that it would be socially irresponsible, tone deaf.

And just really, really wildly moronic to put an episode out that wasn't acknowledging the state of the world, the state of the country.

And so I deleted it and I am re-recording to be more mindful of everything.

I used to tell a story. I'm not sure if I've said it on this podcast or not. I probably have a million years ago, but I used to tell this story of me as a kid.

Kind of as a joke. I mean, even though it was fully happened, but kind of with like a tinge of humor and looking back, that's kind of the problem of the state of the world right now because it's actually not funny.

And I feel stupid and unelevated for even sharing the story like that was funny because it's not funny.

And it kind of shows just the child naive, what is it, naivete or whatever the word is and how crazy just racial injustices.

So when I was a kid, it was in the first grade and I came home and I told my parents that I had a boyfriend and they said, well, what's his name?

And I said his name's Martin and they're like, who's who the fuck's Martin because there was no kid in my class named Martin.

And then of course, my crazy mother like drew the worst conclusion and thought I was probably being like, you know, dittled by a yard aid or something.

And she goes, who's Martin? And I said his name's Martin Luther King. And obviously she was very much relieved, but having no kind of tacked or kid gloves, which is probably the best thing to do in that situation.

My parents told me about Martin Luther King and what happened and that he's not alive.

I clearly saw a picture in a classroom and thought he was very attractive. He was a very attractive man. I have good taste clearly.

And I knew nothing about the civil rights movement, segregation, blacks, whites. I had no concept of it. I mean, I was five or six years old.

You know, humble brag, missed pre-K. So I was younger for my grade. And my parents just very directly kind of told me, you know, a long, long time ago, black people and white people, they weren't allowed to use the same bathrooms.

And go to the same school. People were stupid, you know, in a very kind of short cut summarization of the civil rights movement and slavery and all that. And I was so confused. And I had no idea.

And just on a very basic elementary level assumed that all white people were bad and all black people were wronged. And for about a month in elementary school, I refused to speak to any of my white classmates.

And I couldn't conceptualize why anyone would treat anybody of color differently than white people. And I just didn't understand it. I was very young. And I would not speak to white people. And I cried at home. And I said, I wrote a journal entry.

And I was like, you know, when you're in the first grade, you do like today, I wish, and there's a theme of the day. I think I have to find it somewhere. I wrote, if I could have one wish, I wish that I was black.

And I was in my head. I just, I couldn't understand. And it's crazy because even today, I do not understand. And I will never fully understand, but we have to be better. I talk about a lot of dumb shit. And I try to keep it light and fluffy.

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