The following podcast is a deer media production.

Oh, hey girl. It's been a hot second, but I'm back. You know, they say that distance makes

the heart grow fonder. And truthfully, I've spent decades challenging that theory, but for my own personal benefit, I'm going to hope that it's true.

If this is your first time listening to this podcast, I'd like to offer a disclaimer. Firstly, the term bitch is a term of endearment. So is hooker and fucker.

Bitches say what they mean and mean what they say without intentionally trying to be mean. Does that make sense? Probably not.

Directness for me at least is a way of life that I encourage and celebrate. If this is already too much for you, you should probably just stop listening now.

But you know what? Continue to subscribe for a couple of weeks or just hate listen. You know, that's a real thing. Trust me. You can slide up into my DMs and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

I never turned down to download. So just help me help you. Just think of it like as the philanthropy, make a wish foundation, if you will.

Anyways, my name is Jackie Shimmel. I created a really, really sub par mediocre blog back in the day called the bitch Bible. And from that sad baby turned into this like, you know, profit Messiah baby, which is now this podcast, which I've been doing for three years.

If you're just listening to this now, I could give you like the ones the episodes you should listen to and the ones you shouldn't listen to, they can't all be hits ask Brittany, ask Justin, ask whoever, a neighbor, a friend.

You know, I'm just a wholesome girl braving the social climate of 2018 with a martini in my hand hopes in my heart.

A serious blockage in my digestive system constantly a twinkle in my eye, self deprivation and abundance. Oh, no, not self self deprivation self deprecation. God, it's hard being a genius.

And on top of everything else, having really, really aggressive opinions about everything with very little information about anything. So welcome. This kind of sounds like a shady sales pitch for Scientology.

That wasn't the intent. I was just trying to like be really, you know, what's the word? What's the word?

Profound, some might say you think Jackie Shimmel, you think bitch Bible podcast, you think profound or just really, really fucking stupid.

So that's that for my first episode back, I wanted to bring back my favorite favorite guest.

Pause for suspense. That would be myself. Also, I'm home alone waiting for my washer and dryer to be delivered. So this is as good as I could wrangle. It's just me, myself, and I once again, I ve smear.

I was given a 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. delivery window, which is the biggest crock of fucking bullshit I've ever heard of my entire life, who gives a 9 to 6 window of time. That is, let me do the math real quick. That is fucking 9 hours.

Costco, go fuck yourselves.

So yeah, I've just been here and frank in it all day. Is that too soon? Is using and Frank as an adjective like a little aggressive for the first 30 seconds of my first podcast in three months?

Not great. Can you imagine how funny and fucked up it would be to be and Frank for Halloween just a side note? Like I mean, I could get really, really creative and go into detail, but I'm not going to do that because I'm like not trying to get dropped by my new production company.

But I am adding and Frank to my fucked up Halloween dress up list. You know, Tony Harding was at the top of my list for a really long time. I wanted to be Tony Harding for Halloween when I was like seven years old.

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