Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorn, where in Chambers

this week, ready to clear the docket. With me, as always, is the one true king of podcasting

Judge John Hodgman. This is not a dictatorship, Jesse. Podcasting has no king. There is a

king, and he was appointed by the independent judiciary. I am merely but a regent with a

lifetime tenure, ruling in the place of the boy child king of podcasting, who would be Travis

McElroy. Yeah, no doubt about that. Travis. Gotta be. Of all of the McElroy's, Travis is the

most princely and the most sort of like aristocratically erratic. I bet Travis is wearing an

urban robe right now. I bet. You know, if anyone in the world is going to be just randomly

wearing an urban robe right now, it'd be Travis McElroy. And what's happening right now is

Travis McElroy is listening to this podcast and his urban robe going, how do they know?

We know because we love you, Travis. Yes. But you shall never be king. Let's get to the justice.

Here's something from Kit. She says, dear Judge Hodgman, my husband Jimmy thinks it's perfectly

okay to deny our cats heated pet beds in the winter in the hopes that they will snuggle and dog

pile with him while we sleep. I think this is a monstrous abuse of their feelin good will.

And that a truer test of their love is them choosing to snuggle instead of being forced

to snuggle for survival. He says, I'm denying the cats their one job. Who is right?

Feelin good will. Those words don't go together. And can't people are really something, John?

They really are. Do you know this may change your opinion on the case.

But I wrote to Kit after I got this and I said, well, how many cats do you have? And she said

only seven. So they, her husband Jimmy could be crushed by the pile. I know when she said,

he would be smothered in cats. I was like, well, that's hyperbolic. No, it's true. Seven cats

and believe me, not one of them has good will towards you. They may have a deep connection to

...