Hello and welcome to citation needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now.

I'm Noah and I'm going to be securing the perimeter today, but I won't be able to do it alone.

First up, two men who should have known that speaker was supposed to be stuck in their ears, Cecil and Tom. How, okay, Smarty, how am I supposed to fit it in there with all the

ear hair here? Okay? Who's hair there, too? I can't. My head's been up my own ass for years.

Well, that's fair, no, yeah. And of course, Cecil's ass hair is very slippery in comparison to his ear.

True.

It's true.

I've always said that.

And also joining us tonight are two men more qualified to be in the secrete services,

Eli and he.

Juicy.

It's our commodus operas.

And before we get going,

and I don't want to take a second

to thank our patrons.

Patrons,

if it weren't for you,

there's no way

Eli researching

Secret Service response tactics

could end well.

If you'd like to learn

...