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Transcript

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0:00.0	Let's say you love sports, but are also, you know, a busy person.
0:04.1	You want to know the latest sports news, but don't want to sit through a two-hour podcast.
0:08.8	Alright, if we're talking about you right now, then check out the new podcast from Wondering.
0:12.9	Listen to the lead starting 5 on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.
0:17.3	People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, but don't let the lack of fantastical parallel universes get you down. It's a beautiful Earth day.
0:37.6	The skies filtering out most other spectral wavelengths, leaving it a lovely shade of blue.
0:42.8	The ground isn't yet erupting into white-hot mercury geysers because that's still a few years off in your timeline.
0:48.6	And the birds are content to stay in the trees and sing, rather than chase people around and consume them whole because they haven't been dinosaurs for a long time.
0:57.0	Even though they originally were, don't AT me, bro.
1:00.1	So enjoy the fact that birds aren't trying to kill you.
1:03.3	Although, wow, if a virus emerged from the melting permafrost that mutated all present Earth creatures back to their original form,
1:10.8	what a thematically satisfying conclusion to this planet that would be, but in the meantime, sit back and enjoy the show.
1:18.6	Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Phoon. I'm your host, Arnie Neacamp.
1:46.1	If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.
1:49.4	Seven years and two weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Phoon.
1:57.2	Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift.
2:01.6	And I used that to upload this podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, at the foot of what was formerly the unnamed Wilmountain,
2:10.0	but recently named, uh, Don, sorry, John, I'm so bad with names. What was the, oh, it's now called Slobodon.
2:17.5	So is it Slobodon? Oh, and you know, I still don't think the mountain likes that name because I feel like we feel a little bit of an earthquake every time we say that name.
2:25.3	Yeah, did you feel that just now? I did. Wow, is that me or you?
2:29.2	I don't know. If this was Earth, we would just get on Twitter and just start talking about it, like, I don't know.
2:35.6	I don't need to talk too much about Earth stuff.
	...

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