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0:00.0	Let's say you love sports, but are also, you know, a busy person.
0:04.1	You want to know the latest sports news, but don't want to sit through a two-hour podcast.
0:08.8	Alright, if we're talking about you right now, then check out the new podcast from Wondery.
0:12.9	Listen to the lead starting 5 on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.
0:23.7	People of Earth, the following podcast is not real.
0:27.3	And I have no illusions. I know most weeks you're only playing this recording to anger your
0:32.5	houseplants. Or as a security device to make approaching thieves think your apartment is
0:37.0	filled with three arguing white guys. But this episode is actually worth listening to.
0:43.2	It's an anniversary I'm told. If I have this right, it's been 23 years to the day since
0:49.6	our first and only four star iTunes review. And a very tiny corner of that gray fifth star
0:56.2	is filled in yellow. I should add, a distinction we cherish to this day. I may have some of
1:02.4	these details wrong, which is my own special way of staying on brand.
1:06.8	Now, lean way back in that big comfortable armchair you looked at for so many years, but
1:12.4	could never afford. Oh God, how did you even drag it out of that pottery barn without
1:16.9	anyone noticing? Then all those mall security cars speeding behind your van. The way you
1:22.4	jumped it over the drawbridge, had you lost your mind? Two of those cop cars went into
1:27.1	the river. You don't even know if they survived. You still wake up sometimes hearing the sirens
1:31.4	grow muffled as they sank beneath the water. Ugh, if you had a human soul before, you certainly
1:36.7	don't anyway. That armchair. Ooh, it's like resting against a giant panda. And enjoy the
1:43.2	show.
2:05.6	Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host
2:10.8	Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you
	...

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