meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
improv4humans with Matt Besser

Sean Conroy,Brett Gelman,Curtis Gwinn

improv4humans with Matt Besser

Matt Besser

Comedy

4.92.8K Ratings

🗓️ 4 January 2012

⏱️ 60 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Goon Fight - This week's improv4humans is brought to you by skirt steak, martian invasions, and bad parenting. More accurately, it is brought to you by Curtis Gwinn, Sean Conroy, and Brett Gelman who join Matt Besser to relive childhood tragedies and lost love all for the sake of comedy. As always, follow @MattBesser to tweet your suggestions and visit Bobby Matthews and Dragoon to hear more music like the stuff you heard today.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to Improv for Humans. I'm Matt Besser. If you don't have opposable thumbs, I'm

0:17.8

opposed to you. Today's improv will be performed by myself. Three of the funniest improvisers

0:25.9

in the universe. Let's talk to them right away, Sean Conor, Sean. Hey, Matt. What did you get for

0:32.3

Christmas? Name one thing. Anything? The best thing I got for Christmas was I got a Justin Bieber singing

0:40.7

toothbrush. For real? For real. Yeah. And it sings when it goes in your mouth. Yeah, and it sings for

0:46.4

exactly two minutes, which is the amount of time you're supposed to brush. So you know to stop brushing

0:50.6

when Justin stops singing. Now is his head like what makes it Justin Bieber? Is it his body and

0:56.8

the head? You don't see him at all. You don't see him at all. You just hear him singing. What's he

1:01.2

singing? Baby, baby, baby, baby. And there's another song too, which I don't know. Excellent. Curtis

1:09.2

Quinn. Yeah. Is there, have you ever had a resolution that you, I knew your resolution? You actually,

1:16.1

you went for, you actually tried for a couple of months. No, no. And it's a matter of fact,

1:21.2

I, I, I realized this funny that you asked because I realized very recently that I don't make

1:26.0

resolutions. I like wish for things. I wish to wish. Yeah, I wish to get things. Uh-huh. And

1:31.8

then I realized recently that that's not a resolution now. Resolution is supposed to do something.

1:37.5

You're, you're maybe resolved to change yourself for the better. Is that what would you want to

1:43.2

spend it? What would you wish for? Like money or like I resolved that this year I'll get a million

1:48.0

dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's more like the secret, I guess, than a resolution. Millions

1:53.3

not even cool anymore. No, it's like there's that song billionaire. That guy doesn't even want to be

1:58.0

a millionaire. Well, it's not part of your billionaire. It's not part of your set of best and

2:01.8

social network. What did he say? $10 is not called a billion dollar, but is that what he's,

2:06.4

I can't say it. What does he say? I don't know. I'm not cool with that guy. He said, let's

2:11.2

invent some people. $10 is cool. And that's Greg Galman, ladies and gentlemen. Hello.

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Matt Besser, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Matt Besser and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2025.