SC 95 - The Problem With Never Fighting In Your Relationship

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 6 February 2017

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you are not fighting after 4 years of being together you're asleep. Why? I'll explain in this episode. I used to be proud of the fact that I never fought in my relationships. But man, was I missing the boat...

SHOWNOTES

Question: “You talk about working together and communication. But is there such a thing as working TOO well together, never fighting or getting into an argument? Sometimes I would like to have some type of disagreement or argument. We’ve been together almost 4 years and we’ve not had one disagreement or argument. He just kinda always gives me what I want. Please help. “

Why conflict is important - and the dangers of chronic conflict-avoidance [1:00]
Why the older generations often ‘suck up’ their conflict, and why the mainstream is wrong about conflict [4:00]
What to do if your partner is a ‘conflict avoider’ [6:00]
How to use fighting as a doorway to greater understanding and connection in your relationship [7:00]
What American Beauty can teach us about how not to handle conflict and tension [8:00]
How to approach your partner if they’re conflict-avoidant (and how to say it well)[12:00]

Transcript

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0:00.0	So, All right, welcome to the Smart Couple Show.
0:25.0	Our weekly show here Wednesday mornings at 10 a.m. Mountain Time,
0:29.0	where I answer at least one question from listeners like you about relationship, intimacy, sex, marriage,
0:37.0	monogamy, conflict, communication, all the drama and intensity that comes up between two people, right?
0:45.0	Especially when we get in a relationship for a long period of time.
0:50.0	This show slash podcast is designed to help you have a really rockin long-term relationship.
0:59.0	That's really what we're about here and we teach you how to be a smart couple and by smart I mean
1:09.8	you are willing and able to face yourself and what's blocking you from getting what you claim you want.
1:20.0	And so we're not talking about Book Smart here. We're talking about street smart that, oh, I'm in pain in my relationship.
1:29.0	The smart person, the intelligence moves towards where you're stuck and whatever the problem is and we find a solution.
1:37.0	Okay, that's intelligence.
1:39.0	When we're not so smart and we are ignorant, we stay in denial about the relationship and we stay in denial about our quote problems and we continue to hit the snooze button over and over like there's no problem here I'm fine. It's okay. It's just kind of uncomfortable but I'll just change the channel I'll distract I'll avoid okay that's dumb it's ignorant and it's not going to get you what you want so we're talking about intelligence here. I also there's a little
2:15.8	hidden metaphor in Smart that Smart is the resiliency of the human spirit and
2:21.3	the intelligence of your body. of the
2:25.0	of the human spirit and the intelligence of pain and symptoms as feedback.
2:30.0	So whenever you're struggling in your life,
2:32.0	you can consider that intelligent.
2:34.6	There's something intelligent going on and your job is to find out what it is.
2:39.2	Okay? So that's what we're talking about when we talk about the smart couple podcast or the smart person all right
2:48.0	There's intelligence happening below our awareness and our job is to get hip to that and maximize and utilize that if we can.
2:59.3	Okay here we go I got a question I've got lots of questions, loads of questions, and I'm going to pick one from Jordan.
3:09.0	Okay. So Jordan says, you talk about working together and communication, but is there such a thing as working too well together, never fighting or getting into an argument.
	...

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