SC 94 - 7 Behaviors That Kill Your Connection

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 2 February 2017

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Are you killing the connection with these 7 behaviors? My guest Bryan Reeves lays out some of the most common connection killers and what to do instead. There's some really good, practical advice in this episode. Dig in and enjoy

Bryan’s relationship story [7:00]
The Masculine-Feminine Dance and the ‘pull-push’ cycle [11:00]
Freedom vs connection in relationship [12:00]
When she says ‘come closer’ and he says ‘back away (and his biggest fear in life) [14:00]
One way to handle a woman’s anger [17:00]
Key Relationship Skill: Connection before correction [19:00]
The danger of ‘data-gathering,’ and how our partners feel invalidated by it [22:00]
Why ‘mansplaining’ doesn’t bring you closer together [24:00]
How one-upping your partner’s problems can lead to toxic arguments [25:00]
A simple, impactful two-step principle for better connection and less friction [30:00]

Transcript

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0:00.0	Meanwhile, she's looking at me like she wants to rip my head off
0:03.4	because she doesn't want to be.
0:05.2	A lot of women call it mansplaining. the Hey and welcome back to the Smart Couple podcast. What's up? How are you? It's intense out there right now. Damn! You notice this, yeah? And it might be intense inside, inside your own heart, inside your own mind.
0:45.0	And I encourage you to attend to that, that which is getting triggered in you.
0:51.0	It could be fear, could be anger, upset.
0:55.7	Our work is to handle ourselves.
0:59.0	And if we find an amazing partner.
1:04.0	Their work is to handle us also.
1:07.0	And your work is to handle them also.
1:10.0	Handling each other.
1:15.1	It's a big job, right?
1:17.3	I was up with my wife last night fighting a little bit,
1:20.6	just couldn't quite get her world and she was getting frustrated and then I got
1:25.8	triggered and you know we're laying in bed and having this process and finally figured it out.
1:35.0	You know, took us about an hour and maybe a little less,
1:40.0	maybe 45 minutes.
1:42.0	And meanwhile, my whole body's going through a lot.
1:47.1	You know to this when you fight with someone or disagree
1:50.3	or there's distancing, someone's shutting down, you get activated and it can be hard to work with that.
1:59.0	So the smart person, the smart couple, learns how to work with reactivity and activation in your own body.
2:08.4	And you also learn how to work with your partner's activation.
2:12.5	This is essential and you have each other's backs on that
	...

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