SC 159 - What To Do When You Get Defensive

The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 999 Ratings

🗓️ 18 September 2017

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

QUESTION

When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive?

I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he's not attacking me - I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can't get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I'm all caught up in my own BS, it's pathetic! How do I get past this and be present with him?
Kim - Fairfax VA

SHOWNOTES

Question from Kim [1:00]
Zeroing in on what makes us defensive [3:00]
Working out what you need when you're feeling defensive [5:00]
What to do when you're too triggered to think clearly [7:00]

Transcript

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0:00.0	So, Hey and welcome back to another episode of the
0:23.0	relationship school's smart couple podcast.
0:26.0	I'm Jason Gaddis, your host, and this is the
0:30.6	Ask Me Anything episode where listeners from around the world toss in questions into a big pile and we pick one and answer it.
0:41.0	So I want to quickly thank my team that just works tirelessly
0:50.3	behind the scenes to help me do this and help me in the relationship school do our thing.
0:56.4	So thanks team.
0:59.2	You guys rock.
1:02.2	And specifically Dan,
1:03.4	Dan, thanks for helping me out with this podcast.
1:05.2	This guy is always busting his ass to make sure that you guys get a great feed, a great audio.
1:15.0	All right, so thanks Dan.
1:16.4	All right, this podcast of course and the show here
1:19.4	is about people who want to grow through relationships
1:22.4	and particularly long-term relationship.
1:26.0	That's the conversation we're in.
1:28.3	If you made it out to our Shine Talk the other night, my wife and eyes, thanks.
1:31.6	That was a lot of fun. It was was really good we shared a lot about our
1:34.6	personal triggers and how we deal with that so at some point that recording will be
1:41.9	available we'll keep you posted, right?
1:45.0	Okay, this question is from Kim in Fairfax. What's up Kim?
1:51.0	And she says, says, hey love warrior, when my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me,
	...

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