meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
Savage Lovecast

Savage Lovecast Episode 1008

Savage Lovecast

Dan Savage

Relationships, Sexuality, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.66.4K Ratings

🗓️ 3 March 2026

⏱️ 62 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

When does subbing morph into self-harm? The relationship between a man and his much younger trans woman lover involves intense physical abuse. The girl has a wretched history, and engages in self harm. Although she gives consent, there's also a language barrier that makes everything they do seem out of control and destructive. A bisexual woman took the plunge and came out to her conservative Catholic mother. Although her mother didn't completely melt down, she has a ways to go before she reaches acceptance. What will it take to move her mother into the light? Our guest this week is Intimacy Coordinator Yehuda Duenyas. He and Dan talk about what an Intimacy Coordinator does, and whether they should be required on a movie set. How a director's prompt can sometimes be as vague as "They Have Sex" and it's up to the IC to flesh out how that should look to the audience. How portraying scenes of abuse can be wrenching for sensitive male actors. And of course, Dan has Yehuda answer a couple of sex questions too. A little of this conversation is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. Finally, is it possible for a man to both come and pee at the same time...in his girlfriend's mouth? Sadly, this is not a theoretical question. Ask Dan ANY kind of question. Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 27% off site wide. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single-use plastic. Right now,  get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/Savage This episode is brought to you by VB Health, Doctor-formulated supplements that work . To learn more about Load Boost, Drive Boost and Soaking Wet and to get 10% off, visit VB.Health when you use the code Savage. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, media darling and creator of the It Gets Better Project. A tireless advocate for ethical conduct within relationships, queer rights, and sexual freedom with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage is a cultural force for sex positivity, when we most need it.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, this is Dan Savage. Thank you for listening to me, answer your sex and relationship questions.

0:04.6

All of these years, it has been my absolute privilege. If you can, please consider subscribing

0:09.8

at savage.love slash subscribe. If you subscribe, you get to hang out with me at Savage Love Live Live.

0:15.8

You get access to a community of like-minded deviance, the best kind of deviance, my kind of deviance.

0:21.2

You get this show, ad-free, more Savage Love questions in the column and other perks. Anything you can contribute helps us keep this show going and hopefully make it great and pleasing to you and your eardrums every week. That's Savage.com. That's Savage.com. I love slash subscribe. Thank you. You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's Sex and Relationship Show for grownups.

0:42.3

If you're under 18, get out of here, young.

0:45.7

If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,

1:02.6

while there's nothing you can't ask on the savage love cast

1:10.6

Okay guys guys I hear you hashtag not all men I think I actually said that in the intro to last week's show. You know, last week's show where I talked about the guy who got arrested for fucking a dead deer by the side of the road. Hashtag not all men would fuck a dead deer by the side of the road. I have been a man all my adult life. I have never fucked a dead deer by the side of the road, nor have I ever had to resist the impulse to fuck a dead deer by the side of the road. But I somehow couldn't resist the impulse last week to succumb to despair about men. And I did suggest that maybe we needed a break for men, which isn't fair to men or to the people who love them. I am one of those people. I love men. That is not a secret. And I know

1:45.1

they're not all bad because I have so many good ones in my life. The problem isn't the existence

1:50.8

of men, as Wally pointed out in the comments about last week's show. The problem is the behavior

1:56.2

of far too many men. By identifying men as the problem, we are taking attention away from the real

2:02.2

causes, and at the same time, making generally decent men feel a kind of background discomfort

2:07.8

simply for being men. None of that helps. Wally is right. Wally, you're right, making all men,

2:15.3

especially boys, feel uncomfortable about being men,

2:19.0

conflating masculinity with toxic masculinity, lumping all men in with the dear fuckers.

2:25.0

It only seems to convince good men to isolate themselves for fear of being perceived to be bad men,

2:29.8

while convincing bad men to go ahead and be their worst selves.

2:34.1

So, for the record, despite what I may

2:36.2

have said at the top of last week show, not all men suck. Some do. News is full of those men,

2:43.6

but some of everybody sucks. Jaze Maxwell, not a man, is in prison where she belongs. For the

2:48.6

sex crimes she aided and abetted,

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dan Savage, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Dan Savage and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.