Welcome to Savage Love podcast.

I'm Dan Savage, the author of Savage Love, the internationally syndicated sex advice column for the new millennium.

We have intro music now, but it's not really about the theme music.

Ultimately, it's about the bad advice.

So let's get right to the bad advice, shall we?

Is it possible to train yourself to enjoy loving, gentle, intimate lovemaking again?

My fiancé and I have both had a lot of sex partners and very, very adventurous sex.

And her wet dream was a leather daddy like me.

We thought it was a match made in heaven, but once we were closer than she'd ever been

to another person, we realized that my partner's sexual abuse history makes any dominant behavior

too traumatic for her.

And yes, we are in counseling.

I love her dearly, but as soon as I get turned on, the DOM comes out,

and I get turned off by being sweet and loving.

You know, sweet and loving is great, but it's not sexual to me.

I've been there and done that,

and it takes varsity level fun to turn my crank. So, you know, you said before that people can't make their fantasies go away, so what do I do? That's my question. And say, thanks again for spreading

sexual and political truth. And as a man engaged to a woman, we're not

getting married until everyone can get married. So you say you're not getting married until everyone

can get married, just kind of ironic, because as I was listening to your question, I was thinking

you shouldn't get married, period. Even if I could get married to my partner, I'm not sure necessarily that you should marry this woman.

Sounds like you love each other.

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