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If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,

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the first time I investigated the organizing swinger scene for skipping towards

Gamora a book I wrote some years ago which is now available at audible.com by the way

I was surprised to learn that it was very much a matriarchy that women really

ran it. And women were really the driving force, the power in the scene rested in the hands of the

women. And it was explained to me by these guys that I met who were part of the swinging scene

with their wives that the whole thing hinged upon women

feeling comfortable and safe. And that if the women, if the wives and the girlfriends felt

unsafe or harassed or bullied or even annoyed, that the whole thing would collapse if the women

walked out, the whole thing wouldn't work. So guys who were in any way rude,

guys who made women at all uncomfortable were immediately on the door. And all it took

a woman at a play party to get rid of somebody who was harassing her or just making her

uncomfortable was to say something to the organizers, to say something to the bouncers.

And that guy was disappeared, taken out in a helicopter

and thrown into the ocean several thousand miles away, just gone out of that play party. And this

kind of shocked me because the common trope of swinging is that the husbands want to do it and

they get their wives to agree to it or their girlfriends. And usually there's some begging or pleading, even manipulation that goes on.

But in the process of actually getting involved, the script flips, that women may arrive

at swinging, not all of them, some of them, may arrive at organized swinging, somewhat

reluctantly, maybe a little dubious, maybe skeptical.

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