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If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,

while there's nothing you can't ask on the Savage Lockcast.

Every year before Valentine's Day, I always like to remind people to fuck first.

It's sort of my Valentine's Day message that you shouldn't go out and, you know,

eat a rich meal and drink a lot of booze and then go home and expect you're going to get

fucked by your long-term partner because you're both going to be exhausted and inebriated. Then you're going to fall asleep. And Valentine's Day is going to be this crushing romantic disappointment. So I tell people on Valentine's Day, fuck first and then go out to dinner. Make later reservations. You have an easier time getting them. And that's my perennial advice for Valentine's Day. And for everything else. I think fuck first is a good policy, whatever you're doing. If you're going bowling, fuck first. And now I have

sort of a perennial piece of advice I like to give about Halloween, because this comes up every year.

And my advice on Halloween is for everyone to please pull the sticks out of their asses about it.

And I'm talking to lefties, liberals, feminist, progressives, righteous LGBT people. I'm talking to my people, Democrats, progressives, liberals, lefties, radicals. Because every year now when Halloween rolls around, Twitter blows up and posts go up on Facebook and on people's blogs, complaining about the sexy

thing, the sexy, sexy, sexy costumes for adults and how Halloween has been appropriated

by adults and Halloween is really sexist because women are expected to go out in these very

revealing costumes and men don't go out in very revealing costumes and that's not there.

And suddenly things are coming out of the mouths and out of the keyboards of people who usually don't say things like this.

Like think of the children, which is kind of a right wing talking point.

When it comes to anything, the right wingers are always think of the children.

But you hear lefties and progressives and feminists and liberals saying, oh, Halloween's supposed to be for the children and adults have perverted and subverted it and, ooh, think of the children.

Adults, straight people, everybody, gay people, we need these moments of mass sort of release and display.

We're all under pressure all the time to conform sexually.

And even if we know we're non-conforming sexually,

to appear to conform most of the time and to keep it all bottled up, we all walk around horny

24 hours a day, but in public we have to present sort of non-horny facades. And we need these

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