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Hey everybody, before we get to your calls and your problems and you have problems, yes,

you do.

A word about Bristol Palin's big fat media tour last week.

Maybe you caught her on every news station on Earth, every cable news channel on the planet.

Bristol Palin is the new spokeswoman for the Candies Foundation.

Now, the Candice Corporation is a clothing corporation whose spokesmodel is Britney Spears,

and they sell high-heel shoes and thongs to tweens.

And then they run on the side, a foundation that encourages young

women to abstain from having the sex that their clothes advertise them as being interested

in and available for perhaps a hundred bucks pop. And so they also hire Bristol Palin to try

to undo some of the damage that they themselves do to the flower of

American youth. And Bristol Palin is the new spokeswoman for abstinence education in America.

Tadda! Knocked up Bristol Palin was flown from Anchorage, Alaska, to Washington, D.C., with her

demon spawn, trawlup or trigger, or Tristan or or turnip or whatever the fuck she calls it.

To give a speech in which she said, backing away from her previous comments when she said that

...