Santa Is Grown-Up Jesus with Alexis and Katelyn

Lizard People: Comedy and Conspiracy Theories

Lizard People

Paranormal, Religion & Spirituality, Conspiracytheory, Conspiracy, Comedy

4 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 22 December 2021

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Your pals Alexis and Katelyn are just pal-ing around again this ep. And what better time to be with family than at Christmas! In this mini-ish episode, we get into the real story about Santa Claus, aka Saint Nick, aka Kris Kringle, aka Coca-Cola's most shameless shill. Alexis suspects that Ol Father Christmas is actually... old Jesus! There's a lot of evidence to consider, and along the way you'll hear the lots of other Santa nicknames, some incredibly blasphemous takes on the Bible, both of our feelings about The Witcher, and perhaps most important of all, the magical story of how Santa chose to use reindeer for his magical sleigh mobile. Ho ho ho, happy holidays little lizards!

Transcript

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0:00.0	If I even have a lot for me, kiss me on my mouth, and that's what that means.
0:21.7	It's just hundreds of crowds of people, hundreds of crowds, hundreds of crowds, and in each
0:27.7	crowd there's thousands of people. They all want to kiss my mouth. Yeah, they're dying for it,
0:33.6	not from COVID. They're kind of kiss me. Yes, like absolutely. Yeah, sweet little listeners. I'm
0:40.4	not talking to you real quick. Oh, I'll be quiet. Sweet little listeners. You can talk to them too.
0:44.7	Oh, hello. You might have noticed that it's just the two of us again. That's because we really like
0:50.7	doing this and it's fun. Yes, it's fun. And also because Alexis had an idea so bold, so controversial
0:58.9	that we both knew that we had to leap onto the mic and get it out there before Christmas. We
1:03.8	were going to take our regular two week break. And now we're just taking one week break because
1:07.8	this theory is so stunning. It's so moving. It's touching. It's shocking. It's alarming. It's
1:18.8	alarming. It's true. I'm pretty sure. A rousing? Oh, 100%. Actually, I think one of the sexier
1:26.4	theories we've had on the show. Yeah, and we've done some series, so we're just about sex.
1:31.7	Yeah, we had that whole episode on the Oles. Yeah, and they're not real. They're not, but this is
1:41.6	they're not. And we did decide that they're not real. And if you do have one, you're a freak.
1:45.8	This episode though, you know, this is central. Alexis, would you like to introduce it? Yeah.
1:54.0	So I'll give some setup. I was putting up decorating the Christmas tree as one does.
2:02.7	Or a tan and bomb. Exactly. Yes. Oh, tan and bomb. You think anyone's ever said it like that?
2:08.7	I don't think they have. That was nice. Okay. So I'm listening to some Christmas music,
2:18.0	which is like the one time a year I can stand Christmas music is when I'm doing that one activity.
2:22.8	And like I don't need it in the grocery store. I don't need it anywhere else. I want to be like
2:27.2	doing Christmas things if I'm going to listen to Christmas music. Yes. And I said to Grant
2:33.1	as the music was playing. I said, you know, I'm really more of a Santa girl than a Jesus girl.
	...

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