Hello and welcome to three bean salad.

A couple of things to talk about before we start.

Henry, just before I press record, said, I've got some things to chat about.

Which brings alarm bells for me, for some reason.

Okay.

Feels like the beginning of a long shift, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Sometimes when you're on that little tugboat that takes you out to the oil rig,

you know it's going to be a particularly cruel night, sort of eight months. You look back at your wife on the harbour. You can see she's already texting her boyfriend. She's waving because you've forgotten your pack lunch. Eight months. Eight months with cheese sandwiches. That's eight months worth of cheese. It's hyper-compacted vacuum. It's a vacuum compaction system, isn't it?

You'll see commercials about it in America,

but you can get 900 cheese sandwiches,

can't you, into the size of a... Into the size of a credit card.

He'll negotiate with Sydney.

See if you can borrow her corned beef

sandwiches. She's not going to give you them.

She's not going to give you them.

And also, as you look away, yeah, your wife, she's a very texting boyfriend.

She's snogging what looks like an octopus.

It's the new octopus mayor of your town.

And you realize you, in your brief visit home from the last end of the rig,

you've really not been paying attention to what's changed.

Society does move on, doesn't it, when you're on the rig? I wonder if we have any rig listeners. Well, they shouldn't be listening, because we make it very clear at the beginning of every podcast that this is not to be listened on oil rigs, is it? Or cruise ships. Yes. There's a special licence.

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