S3 E27 BONUS - Q1 Quarterly Crime Review
Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes
Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes
4.6 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 2 June 2026
⏱️ 30 minutes
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Summary
In this new series of quarterly bonus episodes, we sit down with Performance Consultant Helen McLaughlin (formerly Assistant to the Assistant Detective) to conduct a comprehensive review of our investigative performance.
Using industry-leading metrics and stakeholder feedback, we assess our handling of Q1’s cases: Phantom Cleaner, Doggy Bag and Boob Bandit.
Were investigative objectives achieved? Are we delivering value to our listeners? And most importantly, what do our KPIs reveal?
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Morning Karen. |
| 0:03.0 | Good morning Lauren. |
| 0:05.0 | Morning Helen. |
| 0:06.0 | Good morning. |
| 0:07.0 | Could you pass my coffee? |
| 0:12.0 | Right, so. |
| 0:16.0 | Yeah, right, I think we're ready. |
| 0:22.7 | Let me just connect this to the screen. |
| 0:25.2 | I think we're ready. |
| 0:26.3 | Yep. |
| 0:26.9 | Let's start then. |
| 0:27.8 | Right, ready for our 2026 quarterly crime review. |
| 0:31.8 | Welcome, everyone. |
| 0:34.6 | First item on the agenda. |
| 0:36.6 | Roll call. |
| 0:37.7 | Detective Lauren Kilby, present. |
| 0:40.0 | Performance consultant, aka former assistant to the assistant detective Helen McLaughlin. |
| 0:44.9 | Present. |
| 0:45.8 | And me, assistant to the detective Karen Whitehouse, present. |
| 0:49.6 | Before we kick off, does anyone have anything they want to say? |
| 0:53.6 | In particular, Helen, do you know why you're here? |
| 0:56.7 | I think so, yes. I think I'm here to help you with your review. You're almost saying like that, |
... |
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