S3 E26 Mayonnaise Madness - Part Three
Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes
Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes
4.6 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 20 May 2026
⏱️ 43 minutes
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Summary
It’s time for the final showdown with the perp.
The trap is set. Billy will arrive at Tobin’s house, expecting to see his friend for a pop up nacho event.
But his friend Tobin will not be there, and there will be no nachos tonight.
Instead two detectives will be lying in wait, ready to ambush him, strap him up to the USB polygraph military edition v 3.0 lie detector machine, and ask him the big question: WHY?
One thing is certain, we will get the answers we came for.
The next case opens on June 4th.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The clock on Tobin's wall reads 642pm. |
| 0:04.8 | In 18 minutes, the perpetrator of this crime will ring the doorbell, a perpetrator who made a fatal mistake. |
| 0:12.3 | Do you want me to call the number? |
| 0:13.5 | When he left his number on one of the order forms... |
| 0:16.4 | Do you preach Billy Linker? Please leave a message. |
| 0:19.2 | Do you guys hear that? |
| 0:20.4 | Billy? Who's Billy? |
| 0:22.5 | I can't believe this. I know all of your closest friends here and I was like, who the hell is |
| 0:26.9 | Billy? Him spending a minimum of a hundred euros on me, someone who he's not close with, |
| 0:34.2 | doesn't add up. Why did Billy send me two buckets and 200 sachets of soon to expire |
| 0:39.4 | mayonnaise? A condiment I am known to hate. My God tells me it's an admirer. Billy could have a |
| 0:46.6 | romantic obsession. Not with me as I exist today. Because somebody has a little crush on me, |
| 0:56.0 | but with a larger version of me. You wouldn't want to like fatten up a peg for example and then tuck in. |
| 0:59.0 | And they are trying to fatten me up. |
| 1:02.0 | Kind of like an absent feeder. |
| 1:04.0 | When the last sachet hits my hips, they're going to come on over and invite me out for dinner. |
| 1:10.0 | When Billy walks through that door, he will walk into a trap. |
| 1:14.6 | Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, buzz. |
| 1:16.6 | Fuck, wait a few seconds. |
| 1:17.6 | A carefully orchestrated ambush. |
| 1:19.6 | I press him in, click, leave the door open. |
| 1:22.6 | They'll quickly, run us, quickly, okay. |
... |
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