S3 E15 Phantom Cleaner - Part One
Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes
Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes
4.6 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 31 December 2025
⏱️ 41 minutes
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Summary
What kind of criminal breaks into your home… and cleans it?
When a man from Massachusetts leaves the house with his son, he returns to a scene of domestic disturbance. Floors scrubbed. Surfaces polished. Toys in his son’s room neatly rearranged, and intricate toilet paper roses left in the bathrooms. Nothing stolen. Nothing damaged. Just a mysteriously cleaned house, with no explanation why.
At first, this appears to be a hopeless case with no leads, no motive and zero suspects. But things take a sharp turn when an unlikely witness emerges. There's only one tiny problem... this witness isn’t human.
Undeterred, we attempt to make contact with the creature, embarking on a journey that is as bizarre as it is revealing. And if you thought we’d hit peak unhinged already… you have no idea what’s coming.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Before we get into this episode, we have an announcement to make. |
| 0:03.4 | We have officially launched our very own unqualified detectives club on Patreon. |
| 0:08.9 | If you love our show and you want to become friends with us, come and join us. |
| 0:12.6 | You'll get access to our detective chat room, live Q&As and exclusive bonus content. |
| 0:17.2 | Such as the video of me interrogating Henk from season one. |
| 0:21.3 | When I physically threatened him. |
| 0:22.5 | What's happening? |
| 0:23.5 | verbally threatened him. |
| 0:24.5 | Do you love your girlfriend? |
| 0:25.5 | I do very much. |
| 0:26.5 | What would happen if she was to just suddenly disappear? |
| 0:29.8 | That's all on video. |
| 0:30.7 | And you can detect his bad body language. |
| 0:32.9 | Plus I am apparently going to be strapped up to the USB military edition Lie detector for the very first time. |
| 0:39.4 | And you get to ask the questions. |
| 0:41.4 | Strap that bitch up. |
| 0:42.4 | So sign up today at patreon.com slash who shut on the floor at my wedding. |
| 0:47.3 | Helen? Will Helen join? |
| 0:48.5 | Doubt it. |
| 0:49.4 | We'll probably have to pay her, to be honest. |
| 1:01.7 | No. pay her, to be honest. 911, what's your emergency? |
| 1:03.7 | I'm the victim of a crime. Someone broke into my house and cleaned it. |
... |
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