S22E5: Why You Think You're Single vs. What Your Friends Really Think (From the Perspective of 2 Male BFFs)

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Sexuality, Social Sciences, Relationships, Science, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 10 March 2026

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever thought you knew why dating was so hard only for your best friend to have a completely different perspective of what's keeping you single? We're joined by two lifelong besties Sean & Ned to hear Sean's challenges of dating in a highly ambitious city like San Francisco where the ratios skew more men to women. And of course the perspective of Ned from his experiences with Sean and his own revelations before finding the partner of his dreams three years ago. We're discussing the difference of being picky vs. settling, what's really going on to cause you to pick the partners you do, and how to let go of the stories that aren't serving you (and discover the root causes of where they may be coming from). Enjoy! Check out Ned's Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFjV78K8uZIVToqL9c9_ggw Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm U.E.S.U. And I'm Julie Craftchick. We're active daters turned dating insiders. Here to dive into everything, modern dating and relationships. Welcome to Datable.
0:14.6	Hello, friends. Welcome back to another episode of Datable. This is a BFF episode. We have two BFFs.
0:25.8	And it's not us. Right, exactly. It's a for some BFF. Other BFFs. Male BFFs, which is very adhering. You know, you don't hear of like tight bonds with men as much as we'd like to hear.
0:38.6	And they've been lifelong BFS. Yeah. We have Sean, who is sharing why dating has been so hard
0:46.2	in a highly ambitious city like San Francisco, where he feels like he's had a hard time competing.
0:53.0	I'm going to put that in quotes, competing with other
0:55.5	men who in his eyes make a lot more money, have a lot more resources than he does. And he also
1:01.0	talks about like the ratio, which we've heard from men a lot in a city like San Francisco and then
1:07.3	you hear the opposite in like cities like New York from women where the ratios are out of balance.
1:13.2	And people feel like they're at a deficit because there's more, you know, men in San Francisco than women for men.
1:20.3	And then in New York, it's the reverse.
1:22.5	And I get it to some degree.
1:23.7	I went to BU for college and with 70% women.
1:27.1	And I understand the feeling, but also, like, how much of its mindset. And there's a lot of variables there, too, we'll go into.
1:33.9	Which his BFF, Ned, brings up quite a bit in this episode. Ned is an interesting guy. He's been on our podcast before. Bottle Ned. Anybody remembers. He's a
1:46.5	bottle digger. I can't even say that with a straight face because everyone's like,
1:52.4	come again? He digs bottles. He's a memorable person. He's a very memorable personality. He is
1:59.3	Sean's best friend and he currently has a girlfriend and they've been together for three years and he's very much in love.
2:06.1	And he doesn't have any of those things that Sean thinks you need to be in a relationship in San Francisco.
2:14.8	So Ned's here to really show Sean that these are your limiting beliefs. Yeah. So in this
2:20.4	episode, it's a good one. I think what I love about this episode is just how full circle it goes. So it
2:25.5	starts off, you know, talking about what we think is maybe getting in the way and that we get
	...

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