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The Tim Hawkins Podcast

S2 Ep6: Our Eurovision Vacation

The Tim Hawkins Podcast

The Tim Hawkins Podcast

Comedy, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality, Improv

4.72.3K Ratings

🗓️ 7 June 2021

⏱️ 64 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week, Tim and the gang rave about their new favorite Icelandic band, listen to Eurovision and explain how it could be the trick to getting you out of a Spotify rut, and Tim’s 15 year old son, Jackson, makes his first ever appearance on the show to deliver an epic footwear rant. The heavy-hitting listener questions are finally answered, Livy’s slam poetry career continues (this time with a bongo beat), and, a special guest call-in from the one and only Crappaw!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Here we go again. Looking better than a body has a right to. You're messing me up so, and all I really know is here I go again.

0:17.0

And you guys remember who sang that song?

0:19.0

Get it, Dolly Burton!

0:21.0

Crap, aw! What are you? How you doing, man? Where'd you come from?

0:25.0

I got you down, I got a little dizzy, I heard you're dead and I got you in the wild, I got the hair frowny, rollin' in there, please.

0:33.0

Oh crap, I, it's been a long time. It looks like you sound great. It looks like you've pretty much survived the pandemic. You sound wonderful. What's going on?

0:43.0

Well, I've been here in Squeezin' Dennis Balls that helps in many, many ways. It's greasin' them and it's your interest stress and tension because you know at my age I am grown, where you're real?

0:55.0

For the you, the room of that room.

0:58.0

Yeah, so you've been Squeezin' Dennis Balls, huh?

1:01.0

Yeah, but only Wilson now. Wilson's the best ball. Totally. Pen is your way in your time, but Wilson, I just, I know what I'm gettin' with the Wilson ball.

1:11.0

It's Squeezin' helps me with tension, my arthritis helps me with my continents, my contemplation, probably.

1:19.0

Dang, it, it's just, it takes me way back. I, uh, so good, I just, this just makes my day to, to hear from you. So you, you, you squeeze your tennis balls that helped you through the pandemic, um.

1:30.0

Is that it? What, what else did you do? I mean, you sound great.

1:33.0

Well, I did, I did a new therapy I developed, uh, uh, I'm taking stem cells, uh, from a tortoise directly from the tortoise into my body and they have helped immensely, sir.

1:47.0

You, wait, you, you take stem cells from your, your tortoise that you raise, you raise tortoises, um, on your tortoise farm. You take stem cells from them?

1:54.0

Yeah, totally, you just, you know, you withdraw the stem from the tortoise, inject it into me, intravenously. And, uh, it helps, I feel good, I feel new.

2:07.0

I've got a hard outer shell though, my skin is turned into a reptilian-like shell.

2:15.0

Wow. Yeah, well, that's, I guess that's good, you know, kind of a, maybe a built-in bulletproof vest or something.

2:22.0

It's not funny, Tim. It, uh, it's a serious thing and I don't know what's going to happen, but it's not something I'm really happy about.

2:30.0

But at least I'm alive and good to go, good to go.

2:33.0

Well, you'd mentioned, uh, yeah, we'd mentioned Dolly Parton before and it's funny that every time I think about Dolly Parton, I think about Dollywood, redneck Disney land.

2:42.0

And you, and crap, why you've been at Dollywood, haven't you?

...

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