S17 Ep286: You Are NOT Your Attachment: How to Rewire Unhealthy Dating Patterns | Dr. Caroline Leaf

Heart of Dating

That Sounds Fun Network

Relationships, Society & Culture, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality

4.8 • 2.1K Ratings

🗓️ 28 January 2026

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today we have Dr. Caroline Leaf, who unpacks the difference between mind and brain, how attachment patterns are learned, not labels, and gives us practical tools to transform how we show up in dating! Find out your Dating Personality Type for free by taking our QUIZ here! https://www.heartofdating.com/quiz Join Basics of Dating! The 6-Week Program for the Christian single feeling stuck, anxious, or healing from heartbreak. https://www.heartofdating.com/basics-of-dating Love Heart of Dating Podcast? Want to support us AND be a part of the fam? Join us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/heartofdating Subscribe to our YouTube channel here! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ1PswEXEyeSddMmOSiRKGw Crushing on a cutie? Download this FREE Resource on how to show interest: https://www.heartofdating.com/resource/how-to-show-interest Want to further your dating knowledge? Check out our ultimate dating library! https://www.heartofdating.com/resource/ultimate-dating-library Kait wrote a book! Snag Thank You For Rejecting Me on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3E59cLQ Want to meet some epic Christian Singles? Join our huge HOD Family on FB! https://www.facebook.com/groups/heartofdatingpodcast Come hang with us on the gram: http://instagram.com/heartofdating http://instagram.com/kaitness https://www.instagram.com/jjtomlin/?hl=en Interested in advertising on this show? Learn more here! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/16V_c91F1iIYNZOVvrEinrB9h2dsZq-kZFqYYEDQ4A60/viewform?edit_requested=true . . . . . Check out this week's sponsor: Cozy Earth: This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code HEARTOFDATING for up to 20% off the best bedding sets. . . . . . A quick thank you to one of our friends! Compassion International: Do you have a burning desire to be a parent but feel stuck in singleness? Do you want to make lasting, powerful impact in your life as a single? We are a proud partner of Compassion International. Our community of singles has sponsored hundreds of kids all around the world, and we’d love to invite you to join us on this compelling mission. http://compassion.com/heartofdating Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	We are mind dominated. We are thinking, feeling, choosing human beings. The mind does all that stuff.
0:05.8	The brain doesn't do anything except what the mind tells it to do. The conscious mind needs to be
0:10.5	watched all the time by the subconscious, but we need to make that choice to do that. Otherwise,
0:15.6	we will just make whatever you think about the most grow. So if I'm only thinking about I can't form attachments, I'm not good enough.
0:23.0	I'm going to get stuck in that loop.
0:24.6	There's good stress, stress we need.
0:26.5	It's totally healthy.
0:28.0	It helps us function.
0:29.1	It's when we don't manage the stress that it becomes toxic.
0:33.9	When you don't get your non-conscious mind involved, you're going to stay in that toxic leap
0:39.6	you're going to go from one bad relationship to the next and your identity is going to get shot
0:44.0	you never forget your story your story is always there but it changes you've changed how it plays
0:49.5	out inside of you and how it plays out into the future because of our emphasis on the brain
0:53.3	and the physical the 1% we don't manage your mind.
0:56.9	So there's been a lack of mind management, which is creating a mental health crisis.
1:16.0	You are not your attachment style, your mindset, what happened to you.
1:20.6	If you are ready to be mind blowing, today's episode is for you.
1:24.3	Yeah, we have the one and only Dr. Caroline Leif.
1:30.1	She's a neuroscientist, tons and tons of research. Today, you need to get out your pen.
1:36.4	Okay. You need to get it out or listen to this episode multiple times because truly, as JJ said,
1:40.6	your mind will be blown with how much you're going to learn with practical tools and also understanding of what's really going on in your mind, your brain, your body, all
1:45.3	these different things.
	...

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