The Ricky Jervais show on Guardian Unlimited.

Hi, Ricky Javis here with me, Steve Merchant.

Hello there, all right.

And Carl Pilkington.

All right.

Yeah, welcome to the fourth podcast in the series of 12.

It's after Christmas. Now that's it for another year. All right? Everyone had a nice Christmas? Oh yeah. I had a blinder. I had an absolute blinder, mate. Good, uh, good presents, Carl? Yeah, not bad, yeah. Got anything good? Uh, odds and ends. Not that I can think of. Odds and salt. Just bits and bobs. Yeah. A friend of mine got a gift, or I rather gave it as a gift. I don't know if you've been familiar with these. It's a charity organisation. And you go on their website or you know, phone them up. And you can give someone else the gift of, say, a goat for an African family. So you say, this is what I've bought. I've bought goat. and they go, brilliant, where is it? And you go, no, it's going to a family in Africa.

And it's just sort of goodwill. family. So you say, this is what I've bought. I've bought goat. And they go, oh, brilliant. Where

is it? And you go, no, it's going to a family in Africa. And it's a sort of goodwill thing, you know what I mean? So you buy, you buy an African family, a goat that will help them for years to come. And it's like you're saying, well, I would have bought you a present. Yeah. But I've Use that money wisely.

Yeah.

So it's almost like they've given...

Exactly.

They've given the goat.

Yeah, it's a beautiful idea.

But I've used that money wisely. Yeah. So it's almost like they've given the present. They've given the go. Yeah, it's a beautiful idea. But as soon as he told me about it, I thought to myself straight away, knowing Carl's views on charity and giving, particularly this seasonal time, I wondered why his views would be.

Are they happy with the present over there? Like the people who are getting it? What, the African family? Yeah, is the African family sort of going, oh, I hope someone gets us a goat? That's nothing to do with Christmas for them. They're not sitting around thinking, I wonder if Santa brings us some food. It's a long-term thing. These are happening all year, I assume. It goes towards a pool of money that goes to... It's not like they get a... You're an idiot. What, you think, an African family, wakes up, and there's a little goat with a ribbon tied around it. And they go, oh, look what Santa brought us. Look, and that minced pie is gone on that glass of milk. You're such an idiot. No, no, no, but what I'm saying is, does that family want a goat? Yes. But why when... It's not they want a goat, it's they need a goat. Do you think... What do you think this organisation is? I'm just arbitrarily giving goats to me more. They're going to say, oh, I wanted Nintendo. What are you thinking?

What I'm saying is, right, let me put myself in their shoes.

Well, they haven't got any.

But say, say, say, I'm one of them, right, over there, right?

I'm hungry, right?

I'm sat there.

It's Christmas day, right?

...