S01 E03 - Monkey Feels A Right Tit
The Ricky Gervais Show
Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington
4.7 • 774 Ratings
🗓️ 19 December 2024
⏱️ 31 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
On this weeks episode, chimp sanctuaries, I’m a Celebrity: Get Me out of Here, monkey retirement homes, wasps chatting with spiders, and humans ageing backwards. If you’re still with us, don’t worry, the worst is yet to come…
19th December 2005
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Just do a couple of openings. Let's do a couple openings. |
| 0:03.0 | You do it. |
| 0:04.7 | Well, you better say something. Well, I think you should say. Welcome to a Ricky Jervais, the Ricky Javee show on a, or whatever, a podcast. I'm not on this, am I? Yeah. What am I doing here? Well, just saying hello. Hello? No, let us do the introductions. We're doing two introductions and there are two shows. Fuck me. |
| 0:04.0 | The Ricky Devay Let me, let us do the introductions. We're doing two introductions and there's two shows. Fuck me. |
| 0:27.0 | The Ricky Jervais show on Guardian Unlimited. |
| 0:54.1 | Right, welcome again to the Ricky Jervais show on this Guardian podcast. With me, Ricky Javais, Steve Merchant. Hello there. Thanks. And of course, our producer, Carl Wilkington. Carl, can I ask you a question? Go on. I know this is what a lot of the fans are already wondering. Is there going to be some monkey news today? There's got to be. Of course there is. Yeah? Yeah. All right. |
| 0:54.9 | Well, I don't want, I'm worried because maybe this will steal your thunder. But Sarah Greer has emailed this in it. Once again, emailed to podcast at rickie Jervais.com. Chimp mawling under investigation. I think you're concerned. because this actually fuses two of our greatest features, |
| 0:52.4 | monkey news and knob news. |
| 0:54.2 | Oh. |
| 0:54.4 | Into just one seamless hole. |
| 0:56.2 | Oh. I know you're all concerned, because this actually fuses two of our greatest features, monkey news and knob news. |
| 1:12.8 | Ah. |
| 1:12.9 | Into just one, into one seamless hole. |
| 1:15.4 | Oh. |
| 1:15.8 | Investigators said they are trying to figure out how two chimpanzees that viciously attacked a visitor at an animal sanctuary escaped from their cage. |
| 1:23.8 | This is the grim bit. |
| 1:25.0 | The chimps chewed off a man's nose and severely mauled his |
| 1:28.7 | genitals and limbs. Why did they go for his genitals? Both of them did as well. |
| 1:34.9 | Hey? Both of them. Did you say two chimps? No, you're right, yeah, it was chimpanzees, too. |
| 1:40.2 | I don't know. Both of them went, they just saw that they're dangling away, and they... |
| 1:43.7 | You got for the nose? |
| 1:45.0 | I got off his bullocks. |
... |
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