(Rewind): When You Feel Alone After Heartbreak (3 Secrets To Moving On)

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 20 December 2024

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When you get your heart broken, who do you turn to for advice?

Family? Friends? Trawling around Reddit forums to see what other fellow sufferers have to say about your pain?

All of this may help. Maybe.

It struck me recently how we’re never really taught how to move on from the agony of losing someone we love. And if we’re not careful, following the behavior of the people around us can make us feel even worse.

So. . . let’s pause. Take a breath. Get our s**t together again.

It’s nearly 2025. Maybe you’re missing someone right now as the holidays roll around.

But now is not the time to mourn. Now is the time to truly begin your healing and put yourself back together before next year begins.

Here’s what you need to know to finally move on. . .

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Transcript

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0:00.0	There isn't one person who is solely capable of fulfilling the role of the one in your life. Hey everybody. It's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life podcast. I am excited to share this clip with you today. Let's get into it.
0:44.7	We are at a time of year where it can be particularly painful to be alone and it can be really painful to be alone when we've lost someone that
0:50.7	somewhere in our mind we had as the person we were supposed to be with.
0:56.0	That pain can be made even worse if we think that the reason the relationship didn't work
1:02.0	was because of something we did. Maybe we were too anxious, maybe we were too insecure, too controlling,
1:09.0	too jealous, too stressed. When you feel like that, it's dangerous
1:12.9	because now you can torture yourself with guilt, shame, constant self-judgment, self-blame, self-loathing,
1:21.7	and that puts you on a loop. And the loop is, if I'd only done it this way, I still would have that person. If I'd only been
1:30.5	this way, if I'd only stopped doing that thing, that person would still be in my life. And I am to
1:37.5	blame for the fact that I am now alone and missing the person I was supposed to be with. It's a
1:43.2	circle. It doesn't go anywhere.
1:45.4	It doesn't take you anywhere practical or productive. It doesn't get someone back. It doesn't
1:51.4	help you do the work to move on, to be better, to eradicate some of our negative behaviors,
1:57.1	to become stronger, more empowered, more confident. It just keeps you exactly where you are,
2:03.5	going crazy inside your own mind. I have three things that I want to say to you today, that I'm hoping
2:13.9	can be a pressure valve for those horrible toxic feelings that keep you in that place.
2:23.1	The first thing I want to say is don't assume that if you had only done things differently,
2:29.3	that relationship would have been perfect and would have lasted forever.
2:33.3	Because that's an assumption. You don't
2:35.4	always know the real reasons why someone has decided to break up with you. They give you their
2:40.5	reasons, but we can't always take those at face value. They often give us the most convenient
2:45.3	reasons, the reasons that are easy for them to say. Meanwhile, we go away thinking that was 100% of why they broke up with us
	...

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