Rewind: Maintaining Intimacy After Kids with Vanessa & Xander Marin

No One Told Us

Rachael Shepard-Ohta

Society & Culture, Kids & Family, Parenting

4.9 • 590 Ratings

🗓️ 25 September 2025

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Maintaining Intimacy After Kids with Vanessa & Xander Marin Parenthood changes a lot, including your relationship. In this episode, Rachael sits down with New York Times bestselling authors (and real-life couple) Vanessa and Xander Marin to talk about keeping intimacy alive after kids, the infamous “roommate phase,” and why honest conversations about sex matter more than you think. Vanessa, a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, and Xander, her “regular dude” husband, share how they’ve navigated their own ups and downs while helping millions of couples do the same. They dive into the five conversations from their book Sex Talks, why emotional connection is the real foreplay, and what to do when one partner isn’t feeling ready for intimacy. Plus, they share how couples therapy, online courses, and even their own podcast have helped them, and can help you, build a more connected, playful, and passionate relationship. Inside this episode: The inspiration behind Sex Talks and the five key conversations couples need to have How to break out of the “roommate phase” and reconnect Tips for navigating mismatched readiness for intimacy Why emotional connection is just as important as physical intimacy The benefits of couples therapy (and other resources that work) How to keep sex and pleasure on the table even when life is hectic Mentioned in this episode: Instagram: @vanessaandxander Vanessa & Xander’s Online Courses Rediscovering Us: Intimacy and Sex for Parents Course Pillow Talks Podcast Sex Talks Book If you enjoyed this episode, please rate 5⭐️ and write us a review! ⬇️ ✨For sleep support and resources, visit heysleepybaby.com and follow @heysleepybaby on Instagram! 😴☁️🤎✨ Rachael is a mom of 3, founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, and the host of this podcast. Instagram | Tiktok | Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to No One Told Us, the podcast that tells the truth about parenting and talks about all the stuff you wish you knew before having kids.
0:10.7	I'm your host, Rachel Shepardota, and today I'm so excited to be speaking with New York Times bestselling authors, Vanessa and Zander Marin.
0:18.9	She is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he is a regular
0:22.7	dude and together they wrote sex talks, the five conversations that will transform your love
0:27.7	life. Vanessa and Zander are shockingly open, slightly nerdy and seriously funny, and they're
0:33.2	the couple that you're going to be calling your new besties in no time. They share the ups
0:36.9	and downs in their own relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:42.3	They're well-known on Instagram and they also host their own amazing podcast called Pillow Talks
0:47.1	for totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what
0:52.8	really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much
0:55.5	more. It's the sex ed that you wish you'd had. And they also have an online platform with lots of
1:00.8	different courses and guides relating to all things, relationships, sex and more. So guys,
1:05.9	thanks so much for being on the pod. We've talked before on like Instagram and doing other things,
1:10.4	but this is
1:11.1	going to be really fun because we get to talk in a more long form way and your pro podcasters,
1:16.6	which is always nice to keep my job easy. So thank you so much for joining today. Yeah, we're happy
1:22.3	to be here. It's always really fun when an IG friend can become a real friend. So we're glad to get to chat.
1:28.5	Yes.
1:29.3	And so since the last time we talked, I think the last time we did an Instagram live was
1:32.8	when you guys were launching the book.
1:34.9	And it's turned into such a wild success.
1:38.6	So congratulations.
	...

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