(Rewind): Don’t Avoid Difficult Conversations In Relationships. Do THIS…

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 21 June 2024

⏱️ 5 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Sometimes we avoid speaking up about what we really want with a person because we're afraid we will "make waves" in the relationship.

We come from a place of fear and anxiety. "What if me telling him I want something to be different makes him walk away altogether?" we think to ourselves.

So we ignore the conversation and silently suffer.

But then nothing gets better. We just put off the conversation for another day while time keeps moving on.

If this is you, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Make sure that you know, yes, this conversation could precipitate the end of this relationship.
0:07.0	And I'm going to be okay with that. Oh, Welcome everybody to the Love Life Podcast. I am Matthew Hussey and this is a clip from the archives that I think is really
0:35.8	going to help you today. Check it out and I'll speak to you at the end of the
0:40.0	episode.
0:42.0	I was recently... episode.
0:49.0	I was recently speaking to a woman who said that she'd been seeing a guy for the better part of a year. The frustration she was having is that they only saw each other every couple of weeks and even then he would cancel a lot to make plans in a different way.
0:58.0	She's subjugated her needs to the level of making waves.
1:04.0	And this is something that I see people do a lot,
1:06.2	especially when they're afraid of losing someone.
1:09.4	It suddenly needs turn into inconveniences. Don't ever let that happen to you on the important things
1:15.8	in your life. If something's a true need, if it's fundamental to your happiness in a relationship,
1:21.6	don't let it turn into an inconvenience in your mind. in a
1:23.4	relationship, don't let it turn into an inconvenience in your mind. That's you buying into somebody else's frame of reference. The real question she should be asking herself is,
1:31.4	do I want to be in a relationship where I have to subjugate my needs?
1:37.0	Watch for that moment in yourself where you demote your needs to an inconvenience. Now how does she have this conversation?
1:47.0	This conversation is giving her a ton of anxiety because she's afraid of the answer
1:50.4	she's going to get. And the key with any conversation like this, like any
1:54.9	great negotiation, is to make peace with the worst outcome before you even go in.
2:00.5	Make sure that you know, yes, this conversation could precipitate the end of this
2:06.2	relationship and I'm going to be okay with that. If I don't make peace with that, then I'm not really going in from a place of power.
2:16.8	I'm going in from a place of acquiescing before I've even started,
2:21.0	because I'm going in squinting saying,
	...

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