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Net Positive with John Crist

Raise Your Hand

Net Positive with John Crist

John Crist

Stand-up, Religion & Spirituality, Comedy

4.81.2K Ratings

🗓️ 23 July 2025

⏱️ 82 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Coldplay conspiracies, defining walking distance, and when we're allowed to raise our hand... On the net, it's a positive. ----- JOKES FOR HUMANS TOUR: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://johncristcomedy.com/tour/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 8/30 - Las Vegas, NV 9/19 - Grand Rapids, MI 9/20 - Fort Wayne, IN 9/21 - Paducah, KY 9/26 - North Charleston, SC 9/27 - Macon, GA 9/28 - Hiawassee, GA 10/2 - Evansville, IN 10/3 - Dayton, OH 10/4 - Peoria, IL 10/10 - Knoxville, TN 10/11 - Greenville, SC 10/16 - York, PA 10/17 - Detroit, MI 10/18 - Cleveland, OH 10/24 - Birmingham, AL 10/25 - Chattanooga, TN 11/7 - Boise, ID 11/8 - Spokane, WA 11/9 - Tacoma, WA 11/20 - Abilene, TX 11/21 - San Antonio, TX 11/22 - Tyler, TX 11/23 - Austin, TX 12/5 - Phoenix, AZ 12/6 - Santa Rosa, CA 12/7 - Redding, CA 12/11 - South Bend, IN 12/12 - Munhall, PA 12/14 - Buffalo, NY ----- Catch the full video podcast on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and follow us on social media (⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@netpositivepodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠) for clips, bonus content, and updates throughout the week. ----- Email us at netpositive@johncristcomedy.com ----- FOLLOW JOHN ON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS AG1: Get a FREE gift with your first order at https://DrinkAG1.com/netpositive to get started with AG1’s Next Gen and and notice the benefits for yourself. FRESH PRESSED OLIVE OIL: Try a bottle for just $1 and taste the difference yourself. Go to https://GetFreshNetPositive.com. MIRACLE MADE: Save OVER 40% + 3 free towels with promo code NETPOSITIVE at https://trymiracle.com/NETPOSITIVE ----- PRODUCED BY: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Lagos⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ / ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Lagos Creative Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You want to know it's six times worse than alcohol?

0:02.5

Oh, what?

0:04.0

Isolation.

0:05.0

Full isolation is the same as six alcoholic beverages a day.

0:10.0

That is how bad it is for us to be isolated.

0:12.5

Podcast equipment needs to be more expensive.

0:20.0

You ready? Hit it. Might as well fire it up, ladies and gentlemen, huge week. Sometimes the news cycle gets us late. Yeah. Lots of stuff. I wish we do the pot every day. I know, man. Do you think anyone else wants that? Yes, of course. Every day? Yeah, there's so much money in it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's not what I mean the news? Delivering the, oh yeah. Because there's stuff happening like this now, man. You mean the news? Yeah. Yeah. So if we get, if we do get to something three, four days late, we have to respond. Like the first responses are always like hack and then you get to you get to good

0:55.7

ones we get to refine that's why i think it's better that's what's nice that's i think it's better yeah

0:59.0

nice one one podcast a day is that who's doing that who's doing that these days there's some shows

1:03.5

doing that a lot are mostly audio yeah what's rogan doing two a week he does a two or three a week

1:08.9

typically but he's really backlogged so like there he's not like there's zero current events up there.

1:13.6

Oh, really? Like whatever you see this week, he probably recorded last week of the week before. Oh. And then he drops. How do you know that? He's talked about it a little bit. Oh. Because he's like on vacation or something like that. No, it's just how he does it. He's just doing so many interviews.

1:08.2

Oh, yeah.

1:08.9

We should just look at what's like going to happen this week

1:11.7

and then just guess for next week.

1:13.8

And record takes for both sides. Just put them in no matter what. Speaking of, a big show, big show. We got a lot to get into the WMBA All-Star game happened this week. Takes on that, the Espies. Shane Gill host of the Espies. A lot's going on there in the comedy world. The Coldplay situation. And I, by the way, if this podcast is coming out Wednesday, I went to Coldplay last night. Okay. They're coming. This is Monday. We record a Monday. We're going. You're going Tuesday. Tomorrow. Got it. In Nashville. Okay. Yeah. And Chip and Joanna Gaines coming through the news feed. Yep. That's more of a Christian. That's more of a Christian subculture thing. Definitely. But a lot of hot takes, ladies and gentlemen. I'm off the road for another, let's see, month or something like that.

2:19.6

And then Labor Day weekend, Sunday night, I'll be in Las Vegas, right there on a strip of the encore theater to win, baby.

2:26.6

That show's going to be packed.

2:27.7

Then I'm doing two comedy clubs in September, Lexington, Kentucky, and Huntsville, Alabama.

2:32.8

Then September, we low note the tour bus headed on the big tour.

2:37.4

Grand Rapids, Fort Wayne, Paducah, North Charleston, Macon, Hiawassey, Georgia, October.

2:42.7

Evansville, Peoria, Dayton, Knoxville, Greenville, York, Pennsylvania, Detroit, Cleveland,

...

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