Quickie w/ Yue: The True Villain In A Situationship

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 20 March 2026

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Situationships always have a villain—but it might not be who you think. In this episode, Yue challenges the narrative that the non-committal partner is the bad guy, especially if they have been honest about what they can offer. Inspired by the short film Making Space, she explores how we often ignore clear signals, cling to potential, and hope ambiguity will turn into commitment. Yue unpacks the difference between accepting reality and chasing possibility—and why taking responsibility for your choices is the most empowering move you can make. Enjoy! Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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1:05.8	My hot take is that the true villain in a situation ship is the person who chooses to stay in it thinking it
1:11.9	would develop into something more. Hi, UA. here with a hot take and a quickie episode.
1:18.5	My friend just did a screening for her short film called Making Space and it's based on a
1:24.1	situation she was in that changed her life.
1:34.5	And in the film, what I thought was so interesting was that the person, well, in this case, the guy that she was in a situation ship with, was very likable.
1:39.9	And there was no villainizing of him as a character at all. He was very honest from the very
1:47.2	beginning. And it made me kind of think, how? Most of the time in conversations about
1:53.6	situations, we tend to play the victim, don't we? We tend to say things like, I keep attracting these people that don't want
2:02.8	commitment. Why do I like jerks or these F-boys or these douchebags? They just want to, they want
2:10.6	their cake and eat it too, and yet they just want to play the field. And if you really look at relationships closely under a microscope,
2:20.8	you will see that most of the time the person that doesn't want a commitment has been pretty
2:28.0	truthful from the beginning. In fact, a lot of times they want to try their best to be truthful and to not lead you on.
	...

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