Quickie w/ Yue: Hard Maybe On Kids

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Sexuality, Social Sciences, Relationships, Science, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 22 February 2026

⏱️ 10 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Ever feel pressured to choose a side on big life decisions? Yue explores the freedom of living in the gray area, especially when it comes to having kids. At 45, she shares why a "hard maybe" is empowering, not indecisive. She talks about why she doesn't need to be defined by any decisions (that may change in the future) and how to separate your own wants and desires from those of friends, family or even partners. Enjoy! 🧠 Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ 📖 Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ 🤖Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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1:05.8	I am a hard maybe on having kids, and apparently that makes people very uncomfortable. Hey, it's UA back again for
1:13.7	another quickie episode. And this is more of event session. So thank you for sticking with me while I tell
1:19.4	you exactly what's been on my mind lately. So I'm 45 years old and when people ask me, oh, did you
1:26.8	want kids before or do you still want kids? And I say,
1:31.6	maybe it makes people so uncomfortable because people want a binary answer. Our society is so
1:40.9	binary when it comes to having kids. And there's like two extreme sides of this kids camp.
1:48.7	One extreme is, oh, you should definitely want kids. Like you're going to regret later in life.
1:53.4	Who's going to take care of you later in life if you don't want kids? And you're already in
1:57.0	your mid-40s. So your, you know, your chances of having kids may be really low,
2:02.1	so you probably should start thinking about it now. And then the opposite camp is, oh, don't
2:07.5	fucking have kids. They steal your independence. They really change your identity. You're
2:14.4	going to lose yourself. And then before you know it, you're going to be this old
	...

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