S22E2: What We've Gotten Wrong About Attraction, Choosing The Right Partners & Long-Term Connection (According To Science) w/ Paul Eastwick

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 17 February 2026

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We're back with one of our most popular guests Dr. Paul Eastwick to debunk some of the biggest myths – from the outdated "dating market" mindset to gender stereotypes – that hold us back from finding great partners and realizing we have the attributes that make us a good partner as well. We break down the real science behind the importance of the qualities we think make someone attractive, what ultimately makes someone a good long-term partner, and how to use this information to date in a way that leads to better long-term success. Enjoy! To learn more about Paul visit https://pauleastwick.com/ and pick up his new book 'Bonded By Evolution: The New Science Of Love & Connection' out now. Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm U.E. Xu.
0:01.7	And I'm Julie Craftchick.
0:03.3	We're active daters turned dating insiders.
0:05.8	Here to dive into everything, modern dating and relationships.
0:09.5	Welcome to Datable.
0:14.6	Hello, friends.
0:18.9	Welcome back to another episode of Datable. I don't like to pick favorites, but we do have one of our favorite guests back for the third time.
0:26.7	He's tied with one other guest, Dr. Alexandra Solomon, but he's our only third-timer outside of her.
0:31.9	And I'm sure everyone's wondering who is his third-timer. His name is Paul Eastwick. Remember him from one of your favorite episodes,
0:40.0	The Science of an Attraction? He is a professor of psychology at UC Davis where he heads up the
0:46.3	attraction and relationships research lab. Sounds like a dream job for many of us. His research
0:53.1	and writing has been featured in outlets like the New York
0:55.4	Times, the Atlantic, NPR, and Scientific American Mind. And he also hosts the popular podcast
1:01.9	Love Factually with his long-term colleague Eli Finkel, and we have the two of them on as well,
1:07.6	where they analyze rom-coms and romantic drama from the perspective of relationship science.
1:14.0	And we have Paul back today to discuss his new book, Bonded by Evolution, The New Science of Love and
1:20.7	Connection. And in this episode, we're going to debunk myths about attraction, long-term connection,
1:27.0	and partnering that are backed by science.
1:30.2	And he's going to challenge what he calls the Evo script of how we've traditionally looked at dating
1:36.3	markets and who would be a good partner.
1:38.9	And one of the parts I found the most fascinating is a deep dive into gender differences, which ones actually exist
1:46.6	versus the ones that are overblown when it comes to choosing a partner and looking for love.
	...

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