How do you choose the right partner? When we talk to daters, their biggest fear is settling,

but I heard something the other day that was so simple yet so powerful. It was the three things

you need to find in a partner that will ensure you never settle. Yes, you heard me right.

Three things, not the laundry list of qualities we see daters typically using to try to find

that perfect partner and in return getting stuck on the dating hamster wheel because dating

simply doesn't work that way. So hello, Julie back with another quickie. I had the pleasure

of going to Paul Eastwick's talk at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco the other

week, where he talked about the realities and myths when it comes to attraction, choosing the right

partner, and long-term connection, according to science, of course, from his book that just came out

bonded by evolution, the new science of connection and love. Definitely listen to the full episode we did

with him a couple weeks ago, but at the crux of it, it's less about finding the right person

and more about creating the right relationship with them. And he really stressed that it's not

about having the right qualities and looking for all these traits and who we think has these

characteristics that would make a good partner, but rather it's about shared compatibility and

building these moments and microtructures together. Paul had so much insightful commentary,

but it was actually the organizer of the event who made me stop and think for a minute.

So his name was George Hammond, and he is the director at the Commonwealth Club, and he came in

with the statement that was so simple that it just blew my mind. So this is what he said. He said,

find someone you are 80% compatible with and focus on maximizing their happiness and minimizing their pain. And you will be successful in love. And he said this in response to the conversation that was going on, but also his own experience with marriage. You know, being with someone through different stages of

life and the highs and lows that come and what you need to do to consistently show up. And it was

so profound to me because it truly is that simple. After being in a relatively long relationship,

I'm coming up five years with my husband. It really is more about that on a day to day than these

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