Quickie w/ Julie: Dating Skills vs. Relating Skills

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 27 March 2026

⏱️ 7 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you find yourself getting dates but they never turn into relationships, you may be over-indexiing "dating skills" and undervaluing "relating" ones. In this episode, Julie breaks down the difference between dating skills (the spark) and relating skills (the glue), and why most people obsess over chemistry but ignore the skills that actually build connection. If you’re cycling through almost-relationships, or wondering why nothing sticks, this episode will show you how to refocus your attention to skills that actually are more natural to begin with! Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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1:07.7	struggles to get into relationship, here's likely why. You're not bad at dating,
1:13.8	but you may be undertrained in relating. Julie here with another quickie, here to talk about the
1:20.0	missing skills in dating, and where to shift your attention to get better results that actually
1:25.4	lead to real relationships. When we think of dating skills,
1:29.0	we tend to think of the ones geared towards creating attraction and chemistry. It's about getting the
1:34.4	most matches on the apps or attention in real life. It's about getting to that next date. It's all
1:40.1	about how to flirt or banter or send that witty text message about presenting yourself well,
1:46.7	being confident and making a good first impression. It's also about how to build momentum
1:51.8	and time everything properly from the text, the next dates, and when you define the relationship.
1:57.9	Dating skills are about knowing how to show interest without overinvesting
2:02.4	and reading early signs to see if they're into you or ways to get someone to like you. Dating skills
2:09.1	are all about winning, which is why rejection stings so hard because it feels like we've lost
2:15.0	the game of love. With this mindset, we're so focused on one
	...

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